I'm not sad.

It's just that I wake up in the morning and I wish I didn't.
Every time I see a car zooming past, I also see myself in front of it.
I stopped crying because I feel like my tears are apologies for living.
They say it is only a vice but they will never understand how my blackened lungs serves as the only thing that reminds me I am alive just for the very reason that I am still struggling to breathe.
The clock is working but my time is frozen. I took its hands and put them in shackles.
My body feels a little heavy than usual as it fails to lift me out of my troubles.
I read a hundred different worlds from books and wish that I'm in one of them.

I'm all of these things...
                   but I'm not ******* "sad".

There's a difference betwen running
And trying to put something behind you

You asked me
"if you were a flower
what would you be?"
I said I'd be a red
Amaryllis
because they bleed
before they die
just as my heart
bled
for each day
you were gone.

© Sia Jane

Actions are words at deeds,
Feelings untold,
Feelings unspoken,
Actions are worth better at showing.

Love is a building tool,
Hearts breaking,
Hearts leaking,
Love is still a mending wool.

How do you say these words felt?
When is the right moment to voice them?
What hormone builds such a desire?
Will these emotions ever die?

Words Unspoken,
Hearts sealed,
Love leaking,
Thoughts hindering.

Words untold,
By a heart dreading,
To a heart unknowing,
For a stranger unseeing.