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Ruheen Aug 2024
I have all these scenarios playing out in my head
Because I keep wondering what life would be like instead
Of waiting for the future, I imagine it myself
Cause I know, life won't turn out as I hoped
They'll fall apart
I'll fall with them
These images in my head will fade
None of them will be real
All these scenarios
Will only ever remain
As words.
Ruheen Aug 2024
if the clothes hanging in my closet
start getting bigger
i know
i'm either eating too much
or hiding under sweaters

if they all turn from black to white
i feel like I'm asking for attention
i look in the mirror
and force my smile away
"don't get ahead of yourself
you're losing direction"

i need to feel bad about myself
to get the right motivation
hide under sweaters
that shield me from affection
Ruheen Aug 2024
my urge to pop a
child's
balloon
and watch them cry
as i laugh
is
overwhelming

it's on par with my urge
to shove
a knife in my throat
just to
see
what happens

how morbid. i know

but aren't we all?
Ruheen Aug 2024
i like the rain
the sound
makes me feel like i'm alone
so when i'm in the shower
i cover my ears
so it sounds like the rain
and thunder
oddly enough
even cold water
begins to feel
warm
Ruheen Aug 2024
when you light a match
watch the flame
burn it black
wisps of smoke
reach your fingers
it's warm
it's exciting
then you put it out
it's still warm
part of it
permanently black
vulnerable
so you let it
crumble

i'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere




Once I lit a match. I wanted to watch the fire. I watched the fire burn the wood and turn it to ash. It was turning black. I saw wisps of smoke curling between my fingers, as the flames got nearer. I could feel the heat. Before I got burnt, I blew out the fire. And the flame was gone, but that black wood, that ash, still remained.
That’s when I had a thought. Maybe that’s what happens when you decide to be bad. When you choose to be evil instead of good. When you give up doing good for doing bad.
Maybe when you make that choice, a fire ignites in you. A fire so bright, you can’t see anything else. But it’s like bliss. Blinding bliss. And you let that fire burn when you continue to be bad. It makes you want to do worse. Because it feels right. It feels like you can finally be seen. But that fire, that flame, it’s burning you, to your core. It turns everything black.
Eventually, you extinguish the fire. You don’t want it anymore. But you don’t know that it might be too late. Your heart, your soul, your mind. It’s all gone. It’s black. It’s ash. It’s a part of you now, a part you can’t get rid of. It’s still there; it won’t just disappear.
Ruheen Aug 2024
if only we could exist
for a single moment
at only one place
for only a memory
that would be solely ours

but we are flesh and blood
we travel and continue
to exist at different times
in different places
we cannot seem to stop
yet we believe
our existence
is extraordinary

when will we realise
that even the extraordinary
is ordinary?
....figure it out. I'm going to sleep.
Ruheen Aug 2024
~

in a British accent

i do not fear solitude
i fear being left alone after already having someone so close
i'd rather enjoy my own company;
it is for this reason, amongst others,
i think myself to be quite fascinating

~
It sounds better in an accent. I pretend I'm in some historical fiction novel or movie.
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