Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
ab Aug 2014
they're back, in the hallway. i thought they only stayed in the dark and turned up at night. they're escalating, following me with vicious ideals of demonic intent. my demons are real, how they got out i'll never know. is my mind a hell mouth, a gate where human souls of the ****** pour from? am i apart of the ******, or am I merely just an anchor to them? i'm terrified, wondering where i'll see them next. it's never full on, just glimpses and images in the corners of my eyes. they crawl like slithering beasts and serpents of sin, the very idea of sin. are we all eve's garden, the serpents living in our minds which pose as the tree we should not take from and eat? are we ****** vessels for sin to tempt and thrive? after all that's all we heavenly humans do isn't it? sin, sin until we can't anymore, then remember our repentance? then we are saved. i wish i felt saved. i'm tired of my demons, i'm tired of fear. today i told the people i loved the most about my demons, that they terrify me. i can never tell if it's me or something truly demented. i shall repent and then be saved but is the fact that i am saved going to be enough for my diseased mind? all i have is question after question and my demons only snicker and laugh in hate as they crawl on their bellies like cowards.
ab Aug 2014
kids, kids, kids. they're running, screaming. in a car, windows down, they're running, running. it's so far and they know, they know the distance. there's a boy, tall, lanky, and has short bedhead of black. there's a girl, tall, slender, her eyes are blind. her hair is purple, a pastel of insanity. after all she couldn't even see the **** color, or the length. but she could feel.
her hair hit her hips, long curls of proud progress, and her hair was lilac because she could feel the pigment. now he could see and he would tell her of the sky and the stars every morning and night. she wanted to see the mountains, and he was taking her. they both knew she'd never see them, but she'd feel them.
hard rock, stubby brush, the uncomfortable and unknown terrain that comes along with a mountain. they know the distance, they know the risks, they know the irony of it all.
they were done, school's over. that hell was history. college was new, probably still hell, but new. "It's cloudy tonight, there's a fog this morning," he'd say, holding her hand to his chest so she could feel the truth of it all and the she would write it all down in a notebook she couldn't see. he led her to the massive drop, warning not to step past him. he was her barrier between heaven and hell and so much more. she wanted love, wanted it all. she could feel her own love, though never see and he wanted kids, kids he could see and she could feel.
they were happy, sitting on the roof of that car. he told her scorpio was out, her favorite of them all, though scorpio was hidden behind clouds. that is love he thought, holding her hand to his chest. she knew it was a lie, for she could feel, but this was love she thought. this was their arrangement.
this was love, they knew.
ab Aug 2014
Let's talk about our lives, our wonderful wonderful lives. The lives we think about day to day because we live them so carelessly in the sense of our own well-being. We care about us and only us. Us in the sense that we are only ourselves, no one else we pretend to be. Only this happens so often, where ignorant people unaware of themselves pretend to be someone else. Someone else they think they truly are but in fact are not. The thoughts in my head are real, but am I in fact real? A true persona of myself? A young woman in black, white, teal, gray? Who are we really? Question, question, question, question? I have brunette hair of rolling waves and eyes that are blue and pale like a cloudy sky and skin as pale as marble and snow and lips cracked and pale as well, like dried up carnation petals. I am a young woman, or girl, or young lady. I know what I am. I am a mentally unstable entity, a ******* edge of a chasm of the mind. The tiny demons, crawling black and quiet and fast. "Did you see that?" I'd ask and all replies say, "No." Am I losing my mind? A truly mind barreling, thought projecting spiral of my own demons appearing on my suburbia street. Act happy, say hello, smile. Routine, routine, routine, routine. Don't you see? We're all in hell. Am I the only one who knows it? I've turned, a young innocent girl, to a black on black wearing delinquent of a routine, cliche, conservative era. I am different, whether I am real is still my ever mind numbing question. I am not Good. I am not Bad. I am not Cute. I am not Preppy. I am not Rich. I am not Poor. I am not Goth. I am not Emo. I am not Grunge. I am Not. I am Not. I am Not. Am I Not? Who am I? Who are you? I have friends, friends of great birth and creation. They are my soul mates, though not of romantic kind. They are my soul mates in the sense that our minds meld in a precious manner, like gold. No, like molasses and syrup. If heated up we are painfully fast and overwhelming, covering everything in sight. When at room temperature, we are sickly sweet and slow, waiting for a thought to pick and pull apart upon ourselves. Their beautiful minds are like Evergreens and Aspens: partly permanent and luscious, partly colorful and changeable. Folie à Duex: Madness Has Two. A well used term, but my term is Madness à Trois: Madness Has Three. A maniacally made trio of doom, composed of minds far greater than any Diseased Adult Mind.
  Aug 2014 ab
megan
"Hemingway has his classic moment in "The Sun Also Rises" when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt. All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're going to live."
ab Aug 2014
What is this obliterating wave of nothing that shakes my bones? A kind of self-righteous hate I have for this beating heart of mine. The heart that is mine in the chest of broken ribs and bruised lungs. I can't breathe and no one can see. A sort of silent film of black and white, standing in a room where people mill mindlessly around me. A sweet dose of pain to the bloodstream. Hand me another bottle of numbing and tasteless liquid. I don't know how to tell anyone what I feel and the whole sickening trauma of saying "I'm fine" over and over becomes so easy in the sense of doing nothing about anything.
  Jul 2014 ab
megan
september 14, 2009
10:13 pm
why is the garage door shut? i cant get in
your phone must be dead my messages wont go through

september 14, 2009
10:15 pm
i can hear the car running in the garage oh god oh god i called an ambulance butm my fingers arree shakingi you have to be okay dont

september 15, 2009
11:27 am
i opened the garage and you were sitting there with a tube running into the drivers seat and why did you ******* do this you cant you wouldnt you shouldnt this isnt real none of this is real

september 17, 2009
3:04 am
babe, i miss you
i miss you so much i cant take it

september 17, 2009
3:07 am
they havent shut down everything yet its only been three days
how has it only been three days

september 19, 2009
11:17 pm
your funeral was today (i didn’t cry)

september 29, 2009
12:23 pm
did it hurt? i need to know if i should join you but i dont want it to hurt because im scared, im too scared
im scared of the fact that ill never see you smile again
i love you. did i tell you that enough? i dont think i did

october 17, 2009
1:39 am
YOU SELFISH ******* *******, ITS BEEN A MONTH AND IM STILL HERE AND YOU STILL ARENT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
I FOUND YOU, YOU ******* *******. SITTING IN THE CAR IN THE GARAGE WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING. DID YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT BECUASE ILL NEVER FORGET IT ,,,,,
mayvbe ive benee drinnking a litlter morre than mnusula but yoi shouldve let me comem with hoyu becaussee youre my hnhome and evertyone think sims  insanen i just miss you msoo much comee hooome to mew

october 31, 2009
7:01 pm
its halloween and im going alone this year
why do i have to go alone

november 24, 2009
2:24 am
i had a dream that you were making me dinner and you gave me a spoonful of something tomato-y and we were laughing and dancing in the kitchen and you kissed me but your lips dissolved into paper and your skin slid off into a puddle on the floors and the walls collapsed around me but i could still hear your voice telling me everything was okay
when i woke up my lips tasted like tears and i couldnt breathe

december 2, 2009
3:36 am
you cant be dead on my birthday
last year we had a picnic in the park and drank macchiatos and you told me a story about the magician you had at your birthday party when you were seven and barely tall enough to see over the table he was doing tricks on
you cant be dead on my birthday you cant

december 24, 2009
10:17 pm
christmas eve was ****** without you
i hope its better wherever you are

december 25, 2009
9:03 pm
christmas day was also ****** without you
how do i get rid of this ******* headache

january 3, 2010
4:19 am
how do i do anything when everything we did together is laced with arsenic?
******* for taking away my favorite places
******* for taking away my favorite bands
******* for taking away everything

january 10, 2010
8:56 am
your pillow doesnt smell like you anymore

january 17, 2010
5:49 pm
this is so pathetic im still sending you messages its been months
my eyes should be dry by now

january 22, 2010
7:08 am
did you know that your mom called me crying yesterday because she found your old baseball trophy in the attic and we cried over the phone together and its the closest ive felt to you in ages and ages but it slipped away through my fingers faster than quicksand

january 25, 2010
3:45 pm
i almost took a whole bottle of pills and slit my wrists last night but you were standing above me whispering to me and i couldnt do that to you even though you did it to me first

february 4, 2010
1:01 am
was this my fault? did i do this to you? i warned you that i was broken but you pieced me back together with strands of moonlight and i wish i wouldve seen how bad you were hurting before you stepped off the edge

february 6, 2010
6:36 pm
i hate you

february 7, 2010
4:49 am
i could never hate you
you know that
my head is pounding

february 27, 2010
12:32 am
happy anniversary sweetheart
*message failed to send
recipient account terminated
  Jul 2014 ab
rockywhoreor
I think its funny
how we think
bees are beautiful,
but we stay away
because they sting.
             .
             .
             .
It's even funnier
how this never
crossed my mind
until after you left.
Next page