our flaws don't define us
they make us who we are
stretch marks, dimples
and all of your scars
each mark is a star
in your body's constellation
and though they tear us apart
we can't let them
no matter what
if we accept them or change
they will be used against us,
people will find a way
so we have to call them beautiful
look at them and smile
because they make us, us
they make us worthwhile

god i swear i am on fire
but i do not want you
anymore do not need
you anymore please
never come home

that night, under the dark midnight sky
I weaved daisies into your hair
and pinned dandelions to the collar of your shirt
left lipstick trails like stars along your jaw
and goose bumps trailing behind my fingertips

and I came home at three a.m
wearing your soft grey jacket
and traces of your cologne on my skin
sleep willingly lost
and innocence willingly traded
for just a taste
of what love truly is

on dark days, he felt like stale coffee that got stuck on the roof of your mouth, something you consciously kept tonguing to remove but couldn’t

and on brighter days, he felt like a warm cup of tea pressed to your palms, a warmth you wanted to last much longer but couldn’t

he was the type of boy who’ll stay up with you ‘til 3am just for senseless banter because he knows it makes you happy

he’s a boy with arms you’d always feel homesick for, even if you were already encapsuled in them

he always liked to read you poems, bad ones and good ones, just to see you both annoyed and interested

the first time he held your hand, he held it so tight you forgot which hand was yours

on bright nights, it felt like love tracing constellations on both your collarbones

and on darker nights, it felt like love restricting your lungs to breathe

but whether it’s dark or it’s bright, it was always the kind of love that made your bones ache and your insides give up on you

it was the only kind of love he knew enough to give you

my first cigarette smoke was out of anger for a lover who left me hanging, bruised hearts and clammy palms, a puff that scratched at my throat which I smoothed down with a gulp of beer and regrets

my first cigarette smoke probably set my lungs on fire which made me smoke some more, day after day until eventually I felt my lungs were sore

I kept smoking and stopped trying to fall in love, an addiction like this is better to keep than to nurse broken ribs from a shattered heart

He was the only boy to care for me more than I could ever care about him.  He came into my life when I needed a shoulder to cry on the most. He believed I deserved more than I was ever given. He fell for me but I could never love him back.
2. He was the first guy to break my heart. He had a way with words and he was dangerous with them. The words from his lips came out in the most beautiful of ways with the deceiving smile to make you lose your breath. But his lips could never just land on me. After all, him and I were never a we.
3. He is the one I want but the one impossible to attain. His heart is shielded by a million brick walls and to break them down is the impossible. He makes me feel countless explainable feelings for him but he runs from any sense of affection. He's not simple and he is deep and it makes him better than any other.
4. He was my distraction. He is around to take me out when I need him. He knows how to make me feel a little better and gives good laughs. He developed feelings along the way of our countless dinners and nights spent talking about life. But I would never be his.
5. He was the one I loved. I believed he was the best thing in the world for the while we were a thing. I was only 15 and he was 18. I was too dumb to realize that an 18 year would ever want a girl my age for anything more than his brain could think of.