there aren't any cliches about being broken left for me to spill onto this screen without leaving traces of my blood hidden in each meaning that's been studied over and over and over again

i don't want to think about how little or much you sleep or how much caffeine you drink to wake those tired eyes up because i know caffeine can't help and love can't work to distract a mind so full of distractions already

when it's two am or i'm drunk i think i miss you the most because it's only then i realise how alone i am and how perfectly my head fit on your bare shoulder but maybe the lesson that needs to be learned is that i'm stronger than the pain of missing you and you're lost in the emptiness of not desiring me

i wish i could send telepathic pumps of electric waves fuelled by the thoughts in my brain to your heart so that for a moment you could wake into a coma of happiness but if it were up to me you'd be asleep forever and i'd never want to pull the plug

maybe happiness really only does last in the moments when we least expect them but all i know is that somewhere in-between my hundreds of bruises and your thousands of insecurities i got lost in the cliche of a rose world and i was never read to give that up and i never want to let that go

tell me  you'll stay, even if it's only for another few seconds of this dream

she is a universe
undiscovered and pure
with lips the colour of a champagne supernova
and eyes like shooting stars

l.r.

step one.
you close your eyes.
you close them tight.
then you press your palms
against your
closed eyelids,
until
you start seeing red spots that remind you
of a song you wrote
for someone so long ago.
that someone doesn't matter anymore,
not really, so eventually,
neither will he.

step two.
you wear a nightgown.
the one with the lacy v neck, the one
that exposes your thighs,
the one with the vintage roses.
you wear it to bed to remind yourself
that you don't have to wear his attention
like a perfume
to feel ****.

step three.
you listen to those songs.
you know which ones.
you listen to them and sing or rap along
until your throat is sore, until
your chest hurts. do it
until you don't know why you're crying,
then write a song about why
you are crying,
so that when you look back,
you can see that it doesn't matter.
heartache fades.

step four.**
dive into a body of water in only
your under garments.
force yourself
to swim,
no matter how much
you want
to drown.

do you know what it feels like
not to recognize a thing?

the sound of my own voice has never been so distant
ive never felt so less selfish

she said
not to pity myself
i said
there is nothing to pity
i am fine
but everything else isn't

the incline is so much shorter than the fall
i wish i could physically touch
the thing holding me up

maybe then we wouldnt feel so far apart

you locked me away with my loneliness
took my hope and shattered it to pieces
ate my love
****** it out of me like a vortex

it was not for you
it was not yours to take

you threw my trust into the abyss

it was not for you
it was not yours to take

help me
he hurt me
your lips left a black and blue necklace
i didn't ask for you
for it

you did not conquer this body

it was not for you
it was not yours to take

this loneliness is withering me away
you are a beast

this body never belonged to you
and it never will because

it was not for you
it was not yours to take