got caught up talking
balked through the window and fell through the back door
umbrella still in bloom

left rings of condensation as footsteps
and also frostbite in 60 degree weather
and also footsteps for nobodies to follow
freaked out by stale nature
valley-cracked teeth
translucent petals poking through nag champa clouds

lost spider solitaire
twenty-one times in a row

lost all the gaba napping in classrooms
and spinning circles around itself
untuned cerebellum in atrophy against the spins

lost it
won an advil liqui-gel
and quickly quit:
jumped off the peak of its dose-response curve
into the pool of a hallucinogenic july

doesn’t matter:
komorebi’s turned apocalyptic;
sunset's turned subvision

now you make shadows on the mirror and wet-floor signs on the tile
get caught in spiderwebs not a foot outside your bedroom
blast faith through android speakers suffocating in her comforter
drown your plants in ***** water

never heard a silver lining
only eat up deserts
for the cacti that’ll propagate later in your throat:

a seventy-five cent zinnia’s last whiskey-driven photosynthesis
rootbound

just like that the pretty girl in my dreams
disappeared freed my sheets to let them
suffocate as usual and i stayed there
facing the ceiling with cymbals’ collisions under my pillow

and for a haze i stayed
still and subsisting on spit and spider mites
like the sea wasn’t swallowing anything
till i was ninety percent salt and crystallized
breathing out dusty alphabet soup into the aether

like anyone with a disdain for capital letters
my circle sends its love along with mutual virtue parasitism
in distress beacons pinged through a dead battery and twitching fingers
and you know it’s for the best

no falling out of bed or breakfasts till the oasis is complete
under construction in the dusty pillowcase i call home
down the street from the abandoned asylum where i learned
mouth too dry and lungs too sharp

a shriveled cactus with paper spines

time is circling its core like a villain
streets are running under my feet
is that the inflamed sky

call me your fortune teller, disaster, whatever
I condemn you to the bestiary of my clarity
you'd better make up  another camouflage or transparency,
a savage new name for devilry each day

you smile an unfiltered smile,
like a Sisyphus of tease and play

I had no eyes
until I saw the sun set

with a smile percolating
through golden leaves and
into me.

This same evening long ago
taught me how not to worry

of grand shadows huddled
impatiently at every corner

for they too withdraw
into periphery like all else

if you let them follow you
into the darkness.

imagine a mattress abandoned
on the side of i-390 on the rock salt (somehow from the sea
leaning up against that sloping cliff’s edge of land

locked up in villages unvoiced)
a makadikadi daydream–
a back against the crust of earth
as young strangers whispered and daydrank
just inside
across the crackling barrier–

distant suns stretched icicles
on eaves of barely empty buildings–
houses with no owners watched,
nestled against sidewalks coated over in warning
of a return to rest

noise-cancelled
shoe-gazing

black coffee frozen in the doorway–
against a tapestry of laughter through AM radios and portable speakers

pretending to nap

i used to write in barren singed meadows in the summertime.

i used to write about the moon
        hanging shadows on and around my neck;
the cacti shriveling blisters in death valley;
      
imaginary summer superstorms
& neurotransmitters:
        pulses and a lack thereof.

i wrote about punctuation
and the ghosts i’d talk to in circles;
     sepia-stained,

i inked over them in ugly neons and called it art
and wouldn’t rest until they danced:
       sparks against the tips of my fingers like
                   shocks against warm sheets in winter
as i wrapped myself up,
      invisible and silent.

you’re not a poem
and that’s why i love you--

you make language lost
and paragraphs to abandoned sudoku puzzles

now my saccades pivot only to the blank spaces between
your words and your eyes and the cool komorebi(those leaves
bordering the sky of ghosts i disappeared so impossibly easily)

after you leave i sit and let my hands go numb
let my hands melt the iced latte you bought me
     when my throat was shut and shivering
     when i was quiet and charred and gaping at the window
           & still waiting for icicles long sublimated to strike

but now i go to bed with the room cold
because i know it’s the only way you can fall asleep

and i’m silent on purpose so i don’t wake us up