Sometimes I wonder
If I'm heard

God help me
God save me please
Is anyone listening?

Maybe you could save me
From the dark thoughts
In my mind

They plague me
Stain me
Crimson

Do they hate me
What did I do wrong
Why am I ignored

I just want to hear
The sound
Of your voice

Which is stupid
Because I don't see you
In my dreams anymore

Got what you came for
And left?
God what did I do

What did I do to deserve this
These thoughts that consume
That fester in my mind

Do you hate me?
-Of course-

Am I annoying you?
-absolutely-

Are you... ignoring me?
-duh-

A temporary fix I suppose
Something to stop
The tears

God save me
God save my soul
Save it from the damnation I brought upon it

By selling it to those who didn't deserve it
Save me
Anyone

Pounding drums
With a fast beat
Loud guitar wailing
Half screamed lyrics
Of heartbreak
Of betrayal
But I don't feel it
I'm not feeling hurt

Angry melancholy
Soft voices
Guitar crystal clear
Lyrics so angry
At the world
At people
But I don't feel it
I'm not feeling angry

Fast and upbeat
Synthetic noises
Followed by a beat drop
Singing loudly
Of happiness
Of friendship
But I don't feel happy
I don't feel friendship

Sultry tones
**** voices
Moaning love songs
Groaning at
Passionate lovers
Passionate ideas
But I don't feel that either
I'm not in love

I don't know what to listen to

Everything
Or
Nothing

There once was a boy
And along came a girl
They looked into each other's eyes

The girl saw everything
She saw him
She saw beyond him
She saw the vast ocean
That his soul was
But she got lost

The boy looked
He didn't see a spark
He saw her
But without the spark he didn't keep looking

So the boy and the girl parted ways
The boy looking for a spark
The girl looking for someone to finally be able to truly look in her eyes and see her light

Sometimes I wonder
Did everyone else get some sort of secret instruction manual when they were born?
How to keep friends?
How not to mess up every relationship you've ever had?
Romantic or not?
How to experience love at first sight?

It's exhausting
I wonder how people put up with life

I was born without it
This instruction manual
Because I've heard the phrase
"We knew from the moment we first saw each other."
Knew what?

I've heard
"We've been best friends since forever, we knew it from the moment we met."
But how!?!?
How do you know the good from the bad at a first glance?
Is it a pheromone I just can't smell?
Some secret language I never learned?

It's so hard
I don't know how people keep living
I don't know how I keep living
I'm not afraid of death
But I'm not going to welcome it with open arms
Even if the thought of it gives me hope of going home

Because if I were to welcome death
Everyone around me would fade away

I stay alive for the same people
That I can't tell if they're good or bad
But I've grown accustomed to them
I suppose it's because even the bad people deserve sympathy

Do I deserve all the crap they dish out?
No
But I can handle it

Have I ever met someone and just "knew"
Not in my life
But I've heard it said about me so it's a half victory

These stupid misfits
I wonder
Were they born the same as me?
Can they tell the good from bad?
I wonder
If they genuinely care about me

Or maybe I'm just a fool being used
Sometimes I really wonder

Of all the things I have observed
I know how she lives her life
She has no regrets

Even when she made mistakes
She never regrets them
Because it's an action

Because she knows that regret
Will hurt not just her
But others

So trust in her
When she said
You will never be her regret

The happiness
However fleeting
She cherishes

You made her happy
You made her feel alive

It wasn't the secrecy
Or even the physical aspect
That made her feel

It was you

And as short as it lasted
As short as the moment it took
To make her feel like she messed up

She doesn't regret it
She never regrets loving someone

She only regrets not saying it

There's still an empty space
          where there should be a heart
From all the words you used,
                 hoping to tear me apart
There's still a giant ****
           in the back of my spine
From the knife you stabbed
        while looking in my eyes
There's still all these holes
                      in my chest
From the shotgun trigger pulling
              when you left

Say my name
Say it gently
Use your words
To caress me
Speak your thoughts
Speak them out loud
Confess your love
Amidst the crowd
Scream your wishes
Scream your dreams
Make your reality
Better than it seems
Whisper your pain
Whisper your fears
Release the tension
Wipe away your tears
Open your mind
Open up wide
Let my love in
Let me inside

To love someone
Is a choice

I have learned this the hard way

Screaming
Crying
Asking why did this have to happen to me?

It's a thing I brought on myself
Love

And when you read that word
Read it with disdain

Love is a choice
So is hate

But there is no in between with me
So I chose

I choose to hate you
With everything I have

Because if I don't?
I'll love you until it kills me.

When glass breaks
You can piece it back together
But it'll never be the same.
And along the way
You'll loose some chips
And gain some cracks.

Likewise, when the heart is glass
It'll never heal
It'll never be the same
No matter how strong the person
That heart will be the most fragile part of them.

The worst part?
It's always those with stone hearts that break those with glass ones.
Sometimes they trip up and it accidentally breaks
But other times the stone-hearted will push them over causing them to purposefully break.
Yet they will never feel the pain of breaking.
Never will they scrabble to fit the puzzle pieces of their glass hearts back together once again.

And whoever called love a dream has never lived through a nightmare.