All the hard
times prepared me
for this.
The hopeless
times, black sun
sadness.
The long seasons of
madness.
Starving, like a
winter tomcat.

The hospital stays.
Jails and psych wards.
The fist fights under
bridges.
Midnight swims, drunk in
the Iowa River,
not drowned, only out
of spite.
All of this, and
much more got
me ready for this.

I’m sitting up in bed.
It’s 5:00 AM.
My three cats chase
each other, like
lovers in spring.
I’ve been sober
for almost two years.
I even quit smoking
cigarettes.
I’m writing regularly,
and publishing much
of it.
It’s mostly well received
worldwide.
I’m sipping a hot cup
of coffee.
It’s from Sumatra and has
notes of herbs and earth.

I look at the pictures of
Van Gogh and
Hemingway above my
antique maple desk,
as I listen to Mozart.
A writer needs four walls.
I have so much more,
children
wisdom
cats
and gratitude, the most
important thing I
found.

My mind is a
scrapbook of
tattered
memories and
ghosts that waltz to
sullen Cohen
songs in my heart.

Sometimes
it hurts
like a
rotten tooth.
I have a foul and
electric
taste in my mouth.
A metallic bitterness.
There’s a febrile and
pale stranger in the
mirror that cowers
back at me.
Tears, like candle wax.

I used to
try and drink the
pain away.
Chase worldly
pursuits, like a
dog at the track
after that mechanical
rabbit.

As I get older,
I try to practice
wisdom.
I got off that
dirt road to
damnation Island.
We are in this
carnival of ****
together.
I seek a higher love
and try to ease another's
aching,
a pursuit worthwhile.

I’ve been reading about you
The protagonist in all my novels
The booming laugh
The mischievous smirk
The heartthrob that sometimes plays a ****
The desire of every woman on earth
I pretend for awhile that I’m your heroine
Knowing it will stop at the book’s end
So I read another book
Or two
Or three
If I just keep on reading I won’t have to set you free
I’ll just keep reading…
It’s you and me…

A feeling, with evidence too - is wisdom.
A feeling, without evidence - is instinct.
Evidence, without a feeling - is logic.
Evidence, against a feeling - is heartache.

I've often receded
with these tears, back into
shadows of past moments,
digging into scars,
redrawing the wounds,
lifting a heaving chest
to drag it back down
with the setting sun.

Coming into your light
had been a forged destiny,
but I'll never know
what I ever meant,
when arms are broken,
being unable to fix
what is lost.

When I said to you
I'll never float apart
from your once-yearning
distant heart,
I felt it in the call
of birds in the trees,
as I allowed myself
to walk forward,
even if it led me
over the edge.

Here I am
to drink in stillness,
to remember you
in your frozen state.
I released a hand,
as you are at peace,
as I am here
to let go of a petal
for your cemented,
sealed place.

As the days, weeks, and months pass,
every memory will begin to fade…
First, I’ll forget the shape of your face,
then the scent that used to linger.
Soon, even the good and the bad
will slip quietly through the cracks of time.
It hurts now,
but time is gentle with its erasing.
Healing is slow—
but it always comes.

Deceive my heart, weave a tale untrue,
Whisper love, say I'm the one for you.

I'll sense the falsehood, still, I'll find reprieve,
In my delusions, happiness I'll achieve.

I plead with you, spin a tale so sweet,
My love unreturned, a wound so deep.

Lie to me, let me cling to false dreams,
For in your lies, my broken heart redeems.

The wall is strong and firm.
Its is truly well built.
Its exterior is very resilient.

But once a time:
A small crack it formed,
Crack my crack & one day a big hit;
That’s when it crumbled.

Piece by piece it broke,
The interior which was bottled up;
Finally broke down revealing:
Its vulnerable self.


It was fragile and frail.
Foreign to the world
Foreign to itself.

Sometimes lonely in a crowded room.
Sometimes too much in a lonely room.
It took time to be strong.
But to be weak? was impossible

It looks perfect when met first;
But given enough time you’ll see:
The messy side.
The patchy side.

Sometimes the wall is me,
As always and forever.