A girl starts with a love
For a stuffed dog not a boy
And carries with her
An innocent charm
For daydream hope
Not alarm

But then the shock
Of feminine worth
You are not much
Just because of your birth

Then you realize
You will fall in love
Not with a toy
Or sky above

And the first is scary
It feels like a snake
Why am I worried
About what he thinks

And as experience grows
You try to act sly
Pretend you don’t see
The look in his eye

And of course you give in
To a kiss or maybe more
Then watch as he leaves
Out the window not the door

But you’re not his first love
And never shall you be
He shares in the field
In honest reverie

And you go through
The world of romance
And the like
And find that you are
Never the first
Not the light

The glow of one
Who carried
Each boy’s heart
Are the lies of a man
Who leers in the dark

And you try to be safe
With being yourself
Why did he tell me
Destroying my wealth

I am women now
I feel the refrain
You will never be the first
It burns through my brain.

The tension between do or not
Is the cranial puzzle knot
A reason to write
A passion to speak
A need to replicate
A dream in your sleep
A scattered resolve
Is the hum of my kind
Yet some fly through
This excuse all the time

I have bits and pieces
Melodies that mix and match
A song is only halved
Patched but to be trashed
Focus is not my friend
It takes a tremendous mile
For me to take on
A full composed surprise
Then to take the reins
I stop to compromise
These songs don’t need lives
And I just want to hide
Pretend all you want
You are scared to feel alive

Since we were five,
We grew up each summer
Island adventures lost tribes and forts.
A girl in the wood/ a boy in a boat
Every summer afternoon/ eight years and then soon:
We loved each other, for the whole solstice through.
I think of you at night- ran through the dawn
Couldn't wait to hold hands /for you that I long
My first kiss: one day before you joined me at thirteen.

I never met your family; I know your father is mean
I pressed you to invite me, please to celebrate
You looked so scared /I said I just stay for cake.
But I arrived too early/ watched your father get drunk
My beautiful boy didn't want me to see- his family is junk
My love he grew crazy, and yelled at the man:
The cake was ablaze/ his mother saw the screaming
Her eyes began streaming             and the man hit her only son.

I couldn't believe it; this couldn't be.
Then my love ran, pushed me out of the way into our woods
It started to rain; you lost me so easily- in the land of our youth
The squall was beginning/my mom drove me home
I snuck out at midnight/ saw your skiff far from shore
You could not hear me, as I yelled from my porch
And then you were gone: sailing the midnight into the storm:
The boat washed up the next morning, but my boy was never found.

Beyond Seekers Bay
Looking at the storm in the sky
That will rage this night
He is sailing the midnight
To run from him
Who will live in shame
Cause he will never have another birthday
Even though he is not a man
I have to carry on
Cause you'll never have another birthday
Now who takes the blame
Because you're gone