yúyīn: Favorites

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Camille lily

I find myself drifting, drawn deep within myself.
Until I feel completely alone.
A horrifying kind of alone.
The kind that engulfs and terrifies.
An aloneness that I have learned to hide.
Disguised behind a bright smile and capable nature.
But inside I am crying an ocean.
Endless tears that stain my cheeks when darkness comes.
Anguish that swells and threatens to choke the life from me.
I am afraid in this unconnected place I inhabit.
So very afraid.

Mar 2018 yúyīn

untitled

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Maxx

untitled

nothing excites me
like, the memory
of my slick palm
beneath hers

hold my hand like that again

Mar 2018 yúyīn

dreams of ends

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Maxx

dreams of ends

i had the sweetest dream- that rain was falling, the sweetest dream that when it ended, i ended. and rain was falling and tears were falling and i was smiling, at all the destruction left in my wake, and rain was falling. that day of my wake i wake up in bed, nothing has been destroyed there are no tears, not at my wake.

but it is still raining

consequences can only be imagined
and they will never be
what you imagine them to be

#death #dream #consequence #unrealistic #expectation

Mar 2018 yúyīn

love is peachy

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Maxx

love is peachy

my heart, a peach
softens
with each heart break
until it is too ripe
and it must be discarded
at least
i never
sealed it in a can
and kept it hard

love is sweetest when we no longer desire to consume it

#love #being #nonpossession #first #draft #cultivate #softness

Mar 2018 yúyīn

horror shop

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Maxx

horror shop

step into my shop of horrors
shack of nightmares not yet had
take in the aberrant, appalling aesthetic
i have dead sun flower
sundries that smell
of tangerine
i have the idol of
severed head and
exposed breast
i sell milk moon shell and
amethyst
incantations
ghost scrolls
student loans
buy my dreadful wares
and, please:

come again

#first #draft #jack #skellington #this #is #halloween #halloweeen

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Hope

Mar 2018 yúyīn

PM

Hope

"When does a person die" a person asked another,
"When they stop breathing of course" added the other.
But I knew better.

You don't die when you stop breathing or break the "physical tether"- as it were.
No.
You die when you're no longer able to cope,
utterly, utterly lost - in the absence of hope.

#hope #staystrong #life

Mar 2018 yúyīn

I need you

Mar 2018 yúyīn

Shannon

I need you

there are days where I sit and stare at myself in the mirror
picking apart every little flaw, every extra roll and
every bit that's not the right shape or colour
and I think, almost religiously,
that I am not good enough for you.

Becuase the truth is that I'm not.

You deserve sunshine and flowers on a summers day,
not a work in progress as dull as a winters night.

I say this to you and you pull your lips together with a sad smile,
look down at me
say
"But what if I prefer winter"

My boy that is not the point.
All I do is make you worry and I wanna be your sunshine but I just don't
think
i
can
be
that

yet

I'm a work in progress.
Incomplete
I was shattered just before we met and putting the pieces together
is
killing
me

And the things we don't talk about
things we shelve for a conversation in the
future.

involves things that only
"I love you"
might be able to fix.

through everything
recovery is hard
and each and every day is a choice
I need to make
to be better
and
I'm not always strong enough to make that choice.

I just want you to understand
my boy
my lovely amazing
perfect
boy

that sometimes I don't eat
and sometimes I want to die more than not
that anxiety is a being that rocks me
and sometimes I need the rush of pain
from scrubbing hard at my skin
or dragging a blade across it

it's not about you.
it's not something your presence is going to necessarily fix

But i want to try for you.
Maybe i can't be your sunshine
but maybe
i can be your cup of tea
your jumper
your girl
wrapped up in your bed sheets
on a cold winters night

you once said you had no problem
helping me pick up my messes
and if you stand by that

ill be your girl.
In whatever season you want me.

#love #lust #wait #needhopepainboy