My heart is aching,
missing you is so sad.
I am slowly breaking,
it's making me go mad.

I keep thinking of you,
in my dreams I see.
All I do is lose,
only you and me.

The day you left,
was all my fault.
I eternally slept,
and started to halt.

My body is shutting down,
I can't forget you.
Thinking of you makes me frown,
knowing we can no longer be two.

Although we ended rough,
I try to be strong.
Oh It's so tough,
I must always be wrong.

I am no longer whole,
please don't leave again.
My heart you stole,
in the end.

I now believe you were fake,
I knew you would bail.
This was all a mistake,
leaving me pale.

Although you love to fight,
late at night.
You give me such a fright,
I sit down to write.

I am always feeling bare skin,
you were nothing but a lie.
Just wishing i could hide within,
I now say goodbye.

Dizzy, twirling, spinning
Holding your partner closely.
Loud music.
Booming, pounding, rumbling,
Vibrating beneath your feet.
Your friends all gather,
Laughing, giggling, talking,
Having a great time.
Lights disco *****, strobes, everything you could imagine.
Glitter, confetti, sparkles.
Dizzy, twirling, spinning
Faster and faster.
Screaming, shouting, crying,
Coughing, choking, crackling,
Can’t breathe! Smoke fills the air, flames arise,
Beamers falling.
Their worst nightmare!

Your arms,
Entangled around me.
Your embrace,
strong , comforting.
Not wanting to let go,
Your warmth entangles around me

Your arms,
Entangled around me.
Your embrace,
Weak, longing.
Holding on tighter,
Your heart skips a beat.

Your arms,
Held around me.
Still, lifeless.
Holding you one last time.
Your cold, pale.
Your warmth no longer entangles around me.

“Why can’t you smile?”
That’s what she asked me when she saw me hiding.
All alone in the corner,
Skipping another meal.
“Can you at least try to eat?”
I looked away, she didn’t know.
I was dying inside, about to break
With no way of fixing me.
I… try to hide, smile
But… I can’t.
Breathing hard I tell her
“I can’t.” “Not now!”

Once I met this girl
On my way to a desert of snow.
With a bucket and shovel in my hand,
A bit of chill on the spine,
I was trying to make a heap of snow
Then maybe a man of it.
She sat there for hours,
Watching me, smiling with fair cheeks,
While I saw her transforming bit by bit.
A carrot appeared on the nose,
Green scarf of a childhood winter
Cuddled her cold white neck,
And a fuzzy hat sat on her snow-head.
My baffled voice asked,
“How did you do that?”
Without opening her lips, she answered,
“Just dreaming bigger.”

I’m so numb, emotions,
welling up inside of me,
choking me, as I gasp for air,
holding the tears back.
Pain creeps up the back of my throat,
a sob is all that escapes.
Wanting to cry,
craving for the warm tears,
to trickle down my face,
and onto my pillow.
To leave a sign or even a trace,
of my pain.
But all I have is anger,
anger welled up inside of me.
I don’t know how to approach this,
how to fix it,
how to make me feel better.
Only one thing,
ends up working.
I’m so numb!
Takes the pain away,
makes me forget,
for just a few seconds.
And the scars will forever haunt me,
of my pain and anger.
Cutting, carving,
deeper and deeper,
wanting more blood to just trickle down,
down,
down, my arm.
The funny things is,
a laugh escapes.
It doesn’t hurt,
I cant feel the blade,
making me go deeper and deeper.
But when my arms are covered,
and I run out of room,
it all comes back.
The pain, heartache, and misery!
All being thrown at me in an instant.
Long sleeves become my friend,
and my family becomes the enemy.
What if they find out?
What if they see?
What will happen?
When I am cut,
all of those worries go away.
All of the pain,
all of my question,
and all of my anger.
I’m so numb!
Becoming heavy,
my eyes begin to close.
I stare into the black abyss of my heart,
soul, and mind.
Bringing me comfort,
as it all comes back.
Wanting to find more spots,
to make it all go away.
Wanting to cry and wanting to feel.
But…it’s too late.
I’ve held it all in too long.
I’m so numb!

I hate
I want
I need
I love
I lust
I drown
I cry
I laugh
But I can’t be harmed…
I help
I cringe
I feel
But i am just me…
So…
You cry
Feel
Hate
Want
Love
Lust
So…
Why am I different?