Dripped in regret
I soak in my own sorrow
Since last month I've been seeing only flashbacks
Recalling our time together
Reminiscing how happy I once was,

You with that enticing smile
Come to me in my dreams
Exciting me and loving me
Like an angel you brighten up my mood
Yet, we're not together and I, in abyss.

Fulfill your dreams,
Then and only then you shall die in peace

I am so dumb,
I thought you changed.
And that you deserved a second chance.
But every time I trust you,
You break my trust !

My days as a teenager are over,
All the hypocrisy and immaturity has to go,

These few months that I'm spending,
Soon will be gone,
My silly, insane conversations,
My childish pleadings,
All will soon become pointless,

My days as a teenager are over,
All the hypocrisy and immaturity has to go,

I have to grow up,
That's what i get to hear,
I have to explore more and learn more,
This is what my heart says,
What else is there left to say?

But my days as a teenager are over,
All the hypocrisy and immaturity has to go.

Sequestered from this world,
My heart aches and baffles in pain,
I had embraced deceit once more,
Because of all the happenings in this cruel world,

At night when my pain subsides,
I feel only outlines of my scars,
These marks cover my body,
And drain pools of hatred,

My silhouette sits beside the bed,
With the lights out I once again carve more depth on my skin,
Blood drips down in vengeance,
But still you wouldn't care even if I died today,

Life has pulled me into obstacles,
Challenges too, that were so hard,
I solely conquered all my fears,
And made my daring self bold enough to face them all alone.

My heart feels so low
sinking in its own depths
slowly losing its true color
the joy and spirit it once held
all's fading away,

I used to be so happy
my heart so calm
so full of life
and held such beauty
but now no more,

The vulnerability that it now feels
ceases me from doing what I once loved
pushing away all the people that I was once so attached to
the limitless boundaries of freedom now tear apart
vexating my heart and drowning me,

I could once face all my fears
i once clarified all my ambiguities
but now suddenly they burden up
clouding and clustering my frail heart
that now breaths its end.

‘Nightmares’, you must’ve heard of them. How in our childhood we would dream about things so ghastly, so terrorizing that it’d make it impossible for us to sleep. But this one’s a totally different story. Not a déjà vu, not a hallucination. It’s true and it’s frightening.
It was last to last year that I had experienced, had it been a dream, would it be better, but it was something more realistic and more appalling that you cannot even imagine.
It was death in its worse form.
I was left clueless after I came back to my consciousness. It was something so dreadfully strange, that I had to hold onto something for support once I was brought back into this mortal world. It felt as if I was in another dimension where only death was accepted. It was amazing how they were so firm with what they were doing. I’m sure you’re thinking who it is that I am talking about?
It was seven in the morning and I was running late for school. In an institution as strict as Army Public, you’re not spared for being late for even a second, but also I had an important lecture today, so being late for that would be a crime. I hastily collected my thoughts and got up, running towards the car parked in the drive way. Baba was dropping me to school today.
All way to school I was lectured about my studies and how I needed to be punctual and a bit responsible. It was my last year and after that I’d be in college. So I really needed to work hard, which I wasn’t very fond of as the word ‘lazy’, defined my state at present.
Having entered the gate, I could see my friends with books in their hands. I was the only one without a book. I had come only with a register, two pens, a marker and two to three books. Who needed to load up so much in their bag, right?
We were about to enter our classes, but it was a group of teachers who stopped us all and diverted our route to the auditorium where two men were waiting to deliver a lecture to us. Quizzically, we were led into the hall and seated quietly.
I don’t remember listening to anything they said and then instantly we were interrupted by footsteps and 8 men in Khaaki’s who barged in. One of the superiors said something and then they started firing.
I quickly got down on my feet and with one last glimpse at their horrendous faces and the sound of my friends screaming I hid myself under some kid’s body.
They were so inhumane and their faces were so full of hate and disgust. I was so scared and I wanted to cry at that very moment, but knowing the trouble it would cause, I quietly lay on the floor, not moving as to direct any attention. It was so heart wrenching watching them shoot my friends. I wanted to go ****** their guns and aim for their heads.
Moments passed and the shooting finally stopped. But it wasn’t over yet. They started roaming in the hall to check who was alive and who wasn’t. I feigned my death, reciting a few verses of Qur’an, silently praying and miraculously, my prayers came out victorious. Allah had saved me from these monsters. I didn’t even flinch with their weight on my legs, which was very excruciating.
I heard them leave and I got up as soon as I got the chance, quickly to see who had survived. Ten of my class mates and one of my teachers stood up. I looked at our conditions and the bodies that lay restless around us. I wished for a potion or something that could bring them back to life. I know how ludicrous my thoughts may seem, but this is what I really wanted. I ran for the exit, accompanied. Stepping out into the hallway, all I could see was blood everywhere. The smell of rust and iron pinched my nose and made my eyes wet. I couldn’t bear this situation and see kids, even younger than me covered up in blood. This was ******.
Searching and having spot on a corner, there was a wooden closet where I hurriedly hid as I heard and saw a teacher from the crack of the closet, with whom I left the hall with, rush out. Her face so pale and her forehead creased. She signaled me to move away from the closet before I’d be seen. I did as I was told.
I stood inside breathlessly, for as long as I remember until my thoughts were interrupted by a mob of kids screaming that the army had fled in. I was so relieved. Allah had been listening to my prayers. I had no words, just tears stream down my cheeks in joy.
I carefully followed the noises and met with two soldiers who ordered me and a few more to leave the building. We told them about the injured kids in the auditorium and escaped.
Outside the building, I saw worried parents and crying mothers wailing for their children. I kept my emotions composed as not to cry, but the sight of my mother crying crushed me and I gradually began to cry, as well. She locked me in her embrace. It felt so fulfilling to feel her presence beside me.
What would have happened to her without me? I still think about that day.
16th December has always haunted me ever since its occurrence. I still miss my friends. But this is life. This is how we all are going to leave one by one. Maybe, just death, nothing too serious, I hope, but one can only pray for their fate and their countries safety.
Somehow, after this incident I had gained a bit of courage and I promised myself to make all these terrorists pay. I would take them down soon and eradicate their very existence. That’s what I planned, so it shall happen!

Walking down the hallway,
Its my first day,
I feel alienated,
As well as irritated,
I keep moving every year,
Sometimes here, sometimes there.

New friends, new house,
New appearance, new blouse,
New crush, new admirers,
New enemies, new fighters.

But this particular day i can never forget,
For i set my eyes on a particular someone i just met,
As he locked his eyes on me,
I blushed in response looking away ready to flea.

Drip drop, drip,
The rain falls at pit,
Deepening the holes within,
Washing away the dirt,
And sprinkle the sand,

The runny mud,
That brushes the edge of my Jeans,
My hands that trace the mud on my shirt,
How fun is it to play in the rain,

*Drip drop, drip,
The rain falls at pit,
Deepening the holes within,
Washing away the dirt,
And sprinkle the sand,

You and I hand in hand,
Walk down the path where trees are hanging low,
The branches entwining like our fingers,
Such a scenic view with my head resting on your shoulder,

Drip drop, drip,
The rain falls at pit,
Deepening the holes within,
Washing away the dirt,
And sprinkle the sand.

Could it be a call from the meadows
with the swirly sounds of the wind
and the teary dark clouds of monsoon

could it be the silence of the waves
with the radiance of the moon lit
casting a reflection of serenity

could it be the stormy nights of December
with the sound of destruction
and the deathly rattling of the windows.

I've been trying to reach you,
In this silent dead area,
Where neither I nor you can see,
The dark and misty air,
Vague,
Though clear.
I can see you on the field,
Looking for a place to shield,
You and me,
We are distant,
But not that far from reach !

Framed antique,
Exquisitely decorated,
Gentle caress from one ear lobe to another,
Magic in mine words,
Trembling lips speak in a flow,
Mine woeful queen,

Your eyes glisten,
Your skin pales,
Your arm scarred,
Bruised are your legs,
Through posterity are you remembered,
Is that all you say?

Nay honey,
Your milky white skin,
Red ****** lips,
And curves arouse mine heart to flutter,
Thou shalt cry and wail,
But mine love will never fail,

Infinite bits merge,
A cluster of clouds thunder,
Down falls the rain in such grace,
Thine silhouette dances past me,
Mine blood rushes through mine veins swiftly,
Such divinity in one soul,

This creature,
A heavenly monster,
Haunts me in mine dreams and addicts me in mine sleep,
Alluring me senselessly,
A very high dose of that twitch lifting from the corner of your lips,
I feel on top of the world wanting so bad to see this artistry,

Finally viewing such grandeur,
Oh mine fair maiden !
The glory of thine beauty paralyzes me,
My body surrenders in your warmth,
Stranded together,
My flesh radiates intimacy.

The sleepless nights,
The isolation that dwells upon my soul,
The shallow and emptiness in my heart,
The pain I am in,
The tears that stream down my eyes,
Why don't you see the hurt in my broken smile,
My insides are crushing and pulling me in their depths,
This is unfair,
I really deserve my rights,
My mouth speaks against with such intensity,
But somehow can't address what I want to say,
I'm cursed with such cruelty,
I will avenge my fate and get what I want.

Waking up forcefully,
Whining whilst eating-
with mothers lecturing,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

In the classroom-
annoying friends between lectures,
hitting paper ***** or pencil cases,
scribbling secretive things on the notepad,


After every lecture,
running down the hallway into the cafeteria,
eating continuously without thinking how much time we'd waste,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

After school,
not wanting to go home,
standing out on the gate chit chatting with friends,
same friends, same classroom but innumerable stories,

Each and every bit of the day-
passed in idiocy and fights,
with teachers complaining and a mob of students standing for their right,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

Reminiscing now how lovely and exultant were those days,
How easy was life then,
Now we're all left with just memories,
Exquisite bits and pieces that keep us from falling down.

Her devotion was very obvious,
She had made endless efforts to reach at this point,
She was a beautiful women,
Learning and teaching about life to others,
Her quotation are splendid,
They are so precious,
She has taught many a lesson,
Though obscure but, motile,
How surreal it was,
Her life muddled up,
Though ups and downs may seem good,
But she was obstinate,
Never did she wait,
Her death spread gloom,
But her name may never decay...

Celeste smile,
Eyes flickering with delight,

You come to me,
With a chance to see,

To see the world through my way,
Beaming from my eye is a ray,

A ray of hope thats hits,
Strucking everything else to bits,

Developing an interest,
You have on me blind trust,

Because you know I'll never deceive,
Even if pain to me is received,

Let your heart beat,
Connecting with each and every heat,

The heat that arises,
Thinking only with humor because you're wise,

Celeste smile,
Eyes flickering with delight.

The delicacy of the situation,
At its epitome,
Could not but vexate me.

The vague and cloudy memories,
Set aside all the tragedy,
You came back like a lightning bolt struck.

Vandalizing everything to a degree,
Discrete were we,
And our lives in peace.

But then,
You came along,
Dragging misery.

My eyes were shut before,
Now I see the true you,
I thank God I had fled away.

Perhaps it is fate that brought you here,
But now I will not accept you anyways,
Because now I believe I'm destined for greatness.

A new life has yet to begin
The sweet melodious serenades of our togetherness
The never ending and non vacant space between us

It has been a year now
Deprived and dissolved are my feelings for you
No compassion and no spark
Only lonesome tragic nights

The day I said yes
We make our journey hand in hand
To forever land if that even exists

I knew we both are so apart
The distance between us so vast
And there was no such place as forever land
I made a mistake that I'd never intend to make

You promise me all the happiness
You put life in my hands
And say you love me and I believe you*

I regret your very existence
I hate myself for confiding in you
You pulled me in devastation
And now I'm left alone collecting pieces of my heart or shards even.

If I ever lost my way,
I'd pull out my compass of love,
And navigate you right away,

The distance far, far away,
Afar this universe,
Beyond this horizon,

I'd still find you,
Walk miles in search of you,
Just to get near you,

If I ever lost my way,
I'd pull out my compass of love,
And navigate you right away,

My love for you is divine,
The moons strength or the downward pull of gravity,
Nothing is as strong and trending as my love and desire for you,

My compassion and caress,
It will wipe away all your excruciating and gruesome pain,
Forming only clouds and letting it rain,

If I ever lost my way,
I'd pull out my compass of love,
And navigate you right away.

I've always been slightly frail,
A little doltish as well
If I must say!

Reckless and careless,
I stumble;
on my feet not ready to support myself.

Going in a trance,
An ugly yet beautiful trance.

What am I to do?
If gravity pulls me
towards him.

Again and again,
Why?
I keep making the same mistake.

Falling for someone so recalcitrant,
So demanding
and absurd.

Now that he has left,
I feel;
different.
Not at ease though
But,
just different.

Wondering to myself,
An appropriate word for it.

Oh yes !
I know now
What it is.
Regretful !

That feeling trapped-
Deep in the core of my heart,
I feel it arise.

Goosebumps are felt,
Down my spine and up my back,
Trail marks behind.

Leaving me in shock,
My heart beat being stopped,
My eyes can't halt.

What is it about you ?
That makes it so uneasy,
And so hard to cease.

What's the point of everything ?
When you see the beauty of this world,
The stars, the galaxy,
Well the whole universe,
Whats the point of science and technology,
What's the point of all of it?
When we don't believe that there's God.
He's in our soul,
He's always on the lookout for all of us,
Showering His blessings upon us,
He has given us respect,
He has given us chances,
We have sinned,
We have gone astray from His path,
Still He is with us,
Giving and forgiving,
Thank God for what He's given us,
For there's nothing more precious than His love !

Pessimism has led him nowhere in life,
Rather than succeeding in life, he finds himself stuck in demise,
Feelings of deprivation have not but shattered his pride,
Sheltering on his flaunts, he is far more distinct than delight,
Vandalism of his thoughts wipe away a lot but suffice,
Atrocious eyes replenish all his sight,
Darkness before his eyes, leading to suffocation, consequently paralyzed,
Rigid hold and strengthened heart just hold on tight,
Imprudence never lies in soul but lurks behind the night,
As daylight conquers the spacious roon making everything so ever bright,
That rage and devastation which once at its epitome and height,
Disappears fading slowly and gradually in white,
Memories a paradox, growing vexation, if I'm right,
Proceeds to grasp hold on with all might,
As again the sun sets, changing your true form alight,
Revenge can evade the divinity of a knight,
Bringing venganence and enmity in a catastrophic fight,
Obstinate expressions, recalcitrant furry full of fright,
So much to normalize and then fortunately enlight.

Captivated by such grandeur,
Perpetual hypnosis, holding in amaze-
your refinery,

Soft and fragile on the inside,
Dazed, I examine your beautification,
How man has decorated you with jewels and gems, guarded by angels,

Shaped to perfection,
Your structure radiates awe,
Bound limitless it shackles my fate,

How you entice every being,
With such power you break me through,
And I fall down on my knees and pray, that someday I come to you,

Pray in your presence,
To the One who created this universe,
Hoping to die there and being a part of such Holiness.

I love your touch,
Your delicious scent,
The aroma of your perfume that seducts me,
Your kisses thrill me,
When I'm with you I feel secure,
I feel shielded,

Your love,
Your delicious scent,
The aroma of your perfume that seducts me,
Your lips as they brush my neck,
As they nibble my ear,
Allure me and make me restless,

Your love,
Your delicious scent,
The aroma of your perfume that seducts me,
Your mellifluous voice sing me lullabies to sleep,
Ease I feel when I'm near you,
As your everything comforts me.

Saying goodbye to thee,
Far away from reach,
I feel at ease.

Not that I'm happy,
You're ludicrous,
I'm just impervious to it.

You see what I mean,
Fathom indeed,
Unless I'm wrong.

Uncertainty beneath these sheets,
Tell me anyone,
You've only vandalized me.

His eyes-
So deep, so powerful,
It causes a raging tempest,

His disastrous heart,
So enticing,
Piece by piece it enthralls me completely,

His voice,
So breathtaking,
It paralyzes me whenever he speaks,

His soul,
So dark, so evil,
Attracts me though hurts me,

Whenever I see him,
My heart skips a beat,
Because every time we speak he melts me internally.

We stand shoulder to shoulder
Hand in hand we explore
An army of two,

Flamboyantly we thrash walls of deceit
And thrive for one another
Because each and every little aspect counts,

Regardless of people talking
We still stand as a team
An army of two.

I was once in isolation
alone in bifurcation
nobody to love and yet so pleased

but then you came in
taking my breath away
my heart beat elevated with every word you'd say

the very first time we met
I was unsure what was to come forth
the very first time we talked and our shoulders touched, I remember

on February we started singing serenades of our love
oh so absolute, so divine
it was that we amalgamated

our thoughts coincided
we met and shared our first kiss
it was so precious and the moment too

how our fingers entwined
how our bodies grooved
our eyes confabulated the truth

our love so true, so real
my heart feels so weighed and eyes so teary
how you managed to carry me along with you

its been an 8 month tenure
oh how time passes
if only we'd have a clue!

If only i had no regrets,
All these pessimists would stop acting like pests,

I have done no good in this world,
That i know !

Doesn't mean that i don't care,
About a soul.

I'm guilty for what i did,
Now please stop reminding me of it.

If only i had no regrets,
All these pessimists would stop acting like pests,

Don't plagiarize my poems,
Or else you shan't live !

A victim of deceit
a defiant lover
she cradle's her way back
as life moves on with such speed
like a bullet train it flashes past,

Vandalized to such expectancy
her heart experiences frailty
and faith shatters
always told to wait
she herself ruined her fate,

Men entered her life
and left, leaving behind pain
unbearable reminiscence
moving on with her woes
knowing well she err'd,

Poignant
she sheds tears in vain
a state she enters into
heart broken and worthless she feels
Though intended, she repeats her mistakes o'er and o'er again.

My hands are tied,
At the back of the chair,
Locked around my arms is a rope,
As I try to break free,
The roop cuts my wrists,
Blood that falls on the floor,
Makes me wince,
I carefully withdraw a knife,
Which was already in my pocket,
I take it out and I find out,
It was a butter knife.

Fervently,
Aspiring my goals,
Candor I am,
Anticipating what I got,
Demonstration,
E**voking a thought.

Percepting and interpreting my life goals,
My vandalized and shattered hopes,
Destructed and broken in a millionth piece,
Collecting sorrow from here and there,
The dark and horrendous nightmares that I embrace,
I'm oh so scared,
Acknowledging pain yet dissolving abhor,
All part of fear,
Skeptical images cloud my mind,
But I blow them away,
Believing my life is more than just hate and judgment,
It is believing in myself,
I am my foremost goal,
No one can pressurize me,
Reveling my whereabouts and where I stand,
I am my hero,
My own enemy,
And my own judge,
No one can be me !

A quench of love
A wave of despair
Shackled heart
Vandalized repairs,

Catastrophic enchant
Oblivious soul
Sheltered emotions
Dwelling away,

Sea of desperation
Clouding my brain
Hold on you *****
It's for you to stay,

Selfish garden
Grows in haste
Flourished scars
Broken chains

Irresistible shroud
Exiling gay
Fondness stays
I don't fathom naive,

Fuming persona
Predictable hate
Destruct the bond
And carry it away.

My life.....
Sigh !
'What about it ?'
He asked.

I hesitantly opened my mouth.
Couldn't say a word,
So shut it again.
'What about it?'

I finally said, 'I don't know.'
He narrowed his gaze on me.
'I want to know !', he ordered.
All I saw was his eyes.

So grey.
So, so,
Full of concern,
And love for me.

I  began.
'My life is complete because of you.'
He smiled at me.
I blushed  and quickly looked away.

He took my hand in his.
And said,
'You are my life, my everything.'
Those we're the only words I longed to hear.

Then the day after that,
It all shattered.
He left me heart broken,
And guilty.

How I regret my doings,
I wish I had a time machine,
So I could go back and undo things,
To start a new life !

Crimson and in crude form,
I lay amongst scattered bodies,
In ash and blood streams,
I drag myself away from this heart wrenching scene-
I bring myself out of this dream,
This dreadful dream, where only people lay restless,
I sequester myself from people,
I feel incomplete,
Pained and hurt,
Sore and scarred everywhere,
My heart feels weighed and lonely,
This was just a dream I had,
Though realistic and kept surreptitious for so long.

Integrity and sincerity indeed,
His words fathom to me,
Helping when in need,
Solving un-dealt and recalcitrant situations,
Though obstinate but doltish to me,
Challenging and dueling,
Sarcasm can also be seen,
But beneath all this,
A merciful and loving heart,
Giving and advisory,
Sharing sorrow and rage,
But understanding me,
I feel oh so blessed,
To be indulged with such friendship,
Based on forever,
That's what I foresee.

As I sit and sip a glass of wine,
I think about all the mistakes I've made,
Loving you is one of them,
Deprivation I felt when you left,
Destined were we for each other,
Rapturing was your soul,
Full of lustre and captivation,
Drawing me closer to yourself,
Where, vague to me was wtitten on your forehead, beware,
Zeus and poseidon weren't even that strong to set us part,
Metallurgy and chromatography were weaker than I thought,
Our lives together shone,
The radiance and heart amidst our relationship was at spark,
Why'd you go and vandalize what once we fought for?
I was mortified by society from that day on,
Promising to myself I'd never fall,
Destructing all chemistry to keep at halt,
Never have I moved on from that day on,
Never will I even ponder upon that thought.

I incessantly-
Roam in the huge desert alone,
For intake of water.

The mirage I see-
Gleams in distant calling,
Pleading for intake,

The harsh, sandy storm-
In the Sahara alone,
I walk unafraid.

My heart frail and doltish,
Misled me in my own destruction,
My life traumatized and shackled,
Its like I'm paralyzed,

The tragic sentiments i receive from people,
The forced smile that creeps on my face,
This is so hard to take in,
Why ask and then torment when you know already that its not okay?

My heart conversed with you
in ways that I can't speak
my mouth dry
but words so replete
flowing swiftly
sharp smile escapes
because talking to thee
i feel at ease,

My eyes go deep
in search for peace
in your company
i feel protected
my stress lines smoothen
and eyes soften
as our eyes meet
it's like the world stopped for a second,

It's you
i tell myself
the reason and solution
of this mood
my soul lightens
we are like two enthralling
eye gaping lovers
like angels we spread our wings and journey through this universe together.