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I say you need to sleep
When I'm too scared to close my eyes and try

I say you can be strong
When later I fall on the ground, too weak to stand

I tell you everything will be okay
When I can't see past the darkness in my mind to know

I tell you to make sure you're eating three meals a day
When I've skipped 5

I tell you to take care of yourself
When I don't drink water and don't eat and get myself in dangerous situations

I tell you not to give in and to never give up
When I gave in ages ago, and give up on a daily basis

I tell you to keep in mind the fact that you are beautiful and loved
When I constantly feel like I'm just a speck of dirt on your shirt, about to be brushed away

I tell you you don't need to apologize for anything
When I am constantly apologizing to the demons in my mind
I'm just a hypocrite
  Jan 2016 Anna Fox
Pastell dichter
Something's gone horribly wrong
I'm not really sure what it is but Something's gone horribly wrong
I was okay just a few minutes ago but now
Something's gone horribly wrong
I feel empty and alone I don't know what happened but
Something's gone horribly wrong
I felt like jumping and running and laughing but
Something's gone horribly wrong
I don't understand what happened it's just that
Something's gone horribly wrong
Something's
Gone
Horribly
Wrong
if i had one wish to be granted,
i'd wish i could go back in time
to when you didn't hurt yourself
so i could offer you a hand
and a word of advice
"don't go down that road
because it's hard to travel
and even harder to go back"
i'm sorry you ever started self harming in the first place and i wish it had never happened
"Why does life hurt so badly?" you asked.
And I needed a while to think before I answered...

Because you can't be cheered up until you've been sad
you can't be healed until you've been hurt
you can't wipe the tears away before you cry them
you can't rise until you've fallen
you can't learn until you make mistakes
and you can't have good without the bad.

And it's going to hurt,
But it will get better.
*It will always get better
i was talking to my girlfriend last night when she asked me that, so this was my reply
  Dec 2015 Anna Fox
IcySky
Christmas time again,
Time for joy, and time for love.
Time for peace, and time for a holiday feast.
Tis the season.

But...
For me, it's time for...
heartache, and depression.
Time for brokenness, and hopelessness.

Family troubles, money tight,
frustration, crying...
it's all the same...
Christmas isn't a movie for me.

Filled with memories,
from Christmas past,
trying to forget,
yet here it is again...

Every year we try,
and maybe we'll get it right,
maybe, it'll be ok...
maybe... It'll finally be Christmas to me.
Darling please don't leave my side,
For night is drawing near,
And I've nowhere to hide.

My demons are coming out to play.

They come out slowly, one by one,
And play until the rising sun.
You see, they dance, dance, dance,
Leaving me in a morbid trance.
You see, they sing, sing, sing,
Until I lose control of my breathing.

They push, push, push.
And they shove, shove, shove,
And they scream, scream, scream,
Until they get bored and leave.

They come again with blades
And soothing words
"This will help"
"It'll all be over soon"
Then they cut, cut, cut
Until they've had enough.
Then they kiss away my tears
And say "sleep tight"
"We'll be back tomorrow night"
I thought each breath would be his last
As we stared in silent apprehension,
Willing the tears to leave
As his breaths grew more and more shallow
And further and further apart
Until I stroked his mangy coat for one last time
And he released his last strangled breath.
*Is this what it's like to die?
Bye Whitey Ford, it was nice knowing you and I hope you're suffering has ended
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