i don't think you'll ever leave me
you'll always be there
like a ghost in my life
or shampoo in my hair

i feel your cold presence
when i step in that room
i hear your eerie voice
when i smell that perfume

my friends write it off
as me going crazy
but they don't hear your voice ring,
calling me baby

i thought ghosts were a con
still have your ring tired to my finger
can't stop my life but can't move on
not now, not when you still linger

i love things so tenderly, so rough
i love things until they fall apart
until they're broken
until they've had enough

maybe that's what happened with you
i shoved and shook
bit and bruised
pushed my power till you were black and blue

did i break your heart?
well here's the cure:
don't look back
be for sure

there's no promised peace
for you being with me
receiving my love
it's no ease

run away now
i'll give you the chance
you won't want my love
i cant see how

ever since the last goodbye
life has been less enjoyable

i don't laugh on rollercoasters
i don't sing in the shower
i don't smile at sunsets
i don't write more than an hour

i'm not interested in new movies
i'm not invested in books
i'm not so passionate about music
i'm not caring of my looks

i won't leave my bed
i won't eat three meals
i won't change my clothes
i won't take my pills

i can't dance with aubrey
i can't joke with my dad
i can't play with my nephew
i can't do anything and not be sad

ever since the last goodbye
all i can say
is that the sun dimmed without the moon
what a sad day

i don't remember when my body became something i didn't want to notice
unable to tear my eyes from the mirror,
wanting to break it

i recognize every little change:
bony collarbones
dark bags under my eyes
noticeable rib bones
never-fit-before clothing sizes
hollowed out cheeks
tighter skin
smaller arms

something new everyday

when i was in middle school i loved food
i couldn't understand how people could just not eat

three years later
and i'm taking notice of how much weight i've lost
since I started skipping meals

you whisper my name
and it starts raining
all my thoughts are tame
your face is a painting

the smell of my favorite flower
your name is my definition of love
the laugh of a love song, light shower
you're the softest bird, a dove

you're the number seven
and the color pink
you're my heaven
my missing link

my favorite ring
and the sweater i always wear to sleep
you're all the smiles I keep
all the perfect things

it's coming back
i don't even try to hide it
my energy is at lack
i don't even try to fight it

it's the same old same old
yet I never expect it
"you seem fine" i'm always told
my brain is so hectic

back to my old way
a few burns here
I miss my good days
a couple cuts there

counting the pills
until i fall asleep
calculate what'll take the ****
32? i'm in too deep

will this time be the end?
i honestly hope so
can't survive this again
i can barely say no

it's been great for so long
nothing could ever be bad
i always sing this song
nothing could ever make me sad

the hurt is so far away
almost like it was never here
"i'm on top of the world" i say
i'll never shed another tear

i go to sleep all happy
without a worry
i wake up all sappy
of course it's in a hurry

how long will this time last?
it's all black and gray
i thought it was in the past
it's a never-ending pay

turns out it was always there
distractions just pushed it aside
don't know how much longer i can bear
i just want this monster to die