You say that me shutting you out is selfish
but lets talk about being selfish

Is it not selfish of you
to constantly demand me to
open up to you when I don't
want to talk about it?

Is it not selfish of you
to ask me to change my ways
just so that you don't have to
deal with my problems

Is it not selfish of you
to keep me here in misery
while I'm suffering and you
won't let me go

Is it not selfish of you
to ignore my problems
as if they were not important
and you don't care

So please don't call me selfish,
when in reality I should be calling you selfish

I don't know how to control my stress anymore
day to day I let things get to me that I shouldn't

I feel as if I'm hopeless
and all this stress is getting to me

And it won't be long until I lose hope
and let all of this stress break me

To drown in the ocean
would feel like I feel

surrounded by darkness
of the big blue sea

The tides pulling me back
in the same way my mood does

To drown in the ocean
would be easiest for me

I, to this day, have never made my parents proud
for it has always been a competition.

Comparisons to siblings that always damage whatever is left of your self worth, and criticism that picks at your self image

Will I ever be enough  I often ask myself

But then I realize Its foolish to ask,
because there will always be someone smarter to be proud of, someone wiser,
someone who never will be **me

The scent of alcohol on your breath
leads me to think that what you're saying
is not sincere whatsoever

The way you hesitate when I ask you something
leads me to think that you're sick of me
and I shouldn't bother you anymore

The way you sigh when I talk to you
leads me to think that I am no more but a burden to you
and you'd be better off without me

The way you smile when she talks to you
leads me to think that you'd be better off with her
instead of with me

Id rather give into my demons
that constantly run my mind

I am no longer myself
and I never will be

for this has taken over me
and Ill never be the same again

And soon, ill let them take over
*without a fight

There will always be someone else

someone better
someone thinner
someone smarter
someone prettier
someone taller
someone cuter
someone perfect

so at the end of the day I wonder why I have the audacity to think I'll ever be someone if there will always be someone else.