just friends don't look at me like you do, no, they do not hold my hand and kiss my face like you do baby if we're just friends why do you run your fingers through my hair and bring me on walks I'll never forget, good god, just friends? that's right because just friends plan their future together and can't wait to get older so they can be free to love each other endlessly. who the **** are we kidding when you take me out on friendly dates then invite me to your house to watch a movie just as your friend? just friends don't forget about a movie then cuddle like we do and I mean can you please explain to me why you couldn't let me go home when it was passed my curfew, my friend? can you tell me that? it was because we were never just ******* friends to begin with. you knew it. I knew it. and everyone around us knew it.
I guess you were just too ******* ashamed to call me something that was more than just your ******* friend.

*a

Access to excess
holds you tight
in its vice.

It starts off
it always feels so right
filled with promise and abundance
walking into that casino
loaded with cash
scoring the bag at Christine's
weekly motel
one more dab will do you.
She knocks on your door
and only wants you
the night is filled with promises too.

Is this any different
then gluttonous
billionaires hoarding what they can
it's never enough
while the rest of us drown.

The waiting, waiting, waiting
for it to come through
there's that too.

Access to excess
has this advice:
"I'll deal with it later"
and
"One more time. "

Drip, drip, drip
blood
triggered rush
images and cravings
euphoric memories
kaleidoscope
in
one body rush
after another
until there is no more living
in
your own skin.

Rubbing your self raw
to get back to that moment
when you first walked in
when abundance
was real
and
access to excess
was all you could feel.
What a moment of exhilaration.

Of course there are these bonuses too
ending up
with total deprivation
"incomprehensible
demoralization"

Locked in a porta-*****
with a guy and a pipe
out of money
out of time
out of consciousness

Access to excess
what are we gonna do
now.