I’m sweet for you
boy covered in red and green, brand new
I’m sweet for you
even when I’m not
even when it’s true that I’m blue
I’m better because I’m sweet for you
sugary taste for you
even if I tell myself it’s not true
I’m sweet for you, through and through
I just wish it wasn’t you
because I don’t know how to be sweet too (like you)
a.m.

I look for you in his blanket stares
easily glancing past his flesh hungry fangs
tonight I'm not food
I can't be

it is mid July but I am shivering from December's past
holding onto subtle soft gazes
as if they weren't just accidents
as if they weren't the moment before a blink
when you're really not forming an emotion
I hold on to those as if after the blink your eyes are not ravenous
to me those are December eyes
to me those are not his eyes
I beg for them to be your eyes
soft even when they're wide open

but it is warm and his eyes are sharp
and I am the effortless hunt
I wandered, wounded to his doorstep
and although he was still full from dinner
I became a routine late night snack

a.m

two lovers roam the city of steel and brick, lights flash each time he gently squeezes her hand
they are the heart of the city, pumping blood though the circulatory streets
one lonely lover watches the lights change out of the glass eyes from her apartment, cradled in blankets and detox tea, she is the skin of the city she feels each step the lovers take in every layer of herself
she is burned by the flick of lipstick stained cigarette love songs
she falls asleep that night to the same songs that **** them
a.m

missing you is like being addicted to drugs but the kind of addiction that starts off in the hospital
with every intention to heal
the one that leaves you to sleep with your cold sweats and cravings
having you and then having to miss you was the same kind of addiction that will keep getting you high until it kills you
— take one pill by mouth until the bottle grows legs and leaves you

a.m

yesterday we are here, giggling to each other about the gentle sleep noises we make, an entire night sky rests easy while I'm in your arms

tonight you are gone, I am wearing your sweater to bed, clutching the love notes you wrote me, there is rain and loud thunder while I scream

tomorrow I do not know where I am, I smell of liquor as I get tangled in a stranger that I will never speak to again, everything is dull and the people I walk by when I leave are faceless

Everyday after it is pitch black and pure white all at once, there is a single bench that I sit on, waiting for yesterday

with your warm eyes and crooked smile
I picture you saying "come home, we've both had a long week, your side of the bed is waiting for you"

it has been 32 long weeks with no call home but still everyday I wait for the phone to ring

now begins the sensory portion of this practice, create a picture in your head of each item listed within the series

pine tree

breathe in
we are decorating the 3 foot tree we rescused from a goodwill store near our home
breathe out
some of the lights don't work but it never bothered you much, you just loved that it was ours
breathe in
we keep the lights on because you like the shadows they make on the walls at night
breathe out
I stay awake all night looking at the broken lights
breathe in
you find a way to fix the lights but it is only temporary and soon they fade
breathe out
i don't know how or why but I can feel the lights become dimmer each day
breathe in
you say the dim lights give good contrast to the room
breathe out
I hate those ******* lights
breathe in
breathe out

I don't hear any other words from the instructor
For the remainder of the practice I am in our bed, staring at the broken lights

this now concludes this session begin to return your breath to it's natural state and  reconnect with the scene around you