We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.

and then I asked you,
"What's your biggest fear?"

you gave me a quivering sigh,
looked at me straight in the eyes
and said,

"It's that eventually, you will see me
the way I see myself."

i never saw the ocean
... until today.
it was striking,
yet calm,
but i knew at first glance
there would be no easy escape.
so, naturally,
i went swimming.
and dear god, was that a mistake.
at first sight,
it was a murky blue,
the kind that
hides secrets in swirls,
holds troubles and teases.
the kind that
you knew you could get lost in
but took the risk despite it.

as the sun set,
it became a cool, candid blue.
it breathed with honesty
and covered your every inch
with a sense of power,
whispering with wit.
just a small leap,
and you went spiraling down into its depths.
after all of this,
i didn't want a new beginning
to erase the remnants
of the beauty that had once been.
i was never more wrong.

as the sun danced higher into the sky,
the candid blue before me
had become a picture of genuineness.
the golden light had begun
reflecting
over the intermingling colors,
giving way to a light green,
filled with warmth
and dimpled smiles.
to look closer into this green
was like seeing
miles of untouched, rolling, green hills,
expressing a life of potential
and love.

no matter when i looked into his eyes,
the oceans of color and feeling
were always threatening to overwhelm me,
all beginning the first time
our eyes met.

he drinks the darkness
as though the stars
are his only hopes