I awake with the dripping anxiety of death
It's puppetry crafting my fears with its laced strings
Making me do the dance of regret and guilt
The darkness consumes me as I writhe with the agonising realisation

I am not alone
I am going to die
I see my tombstone
I see my soul starting to fly

But why?


That night when the moonlights silver ribbons danced across the darkest ocean.
His face dripping with the crimson liquid that shows the sign of life
Sirens echoed as red and blue flashed into the night.
It was my fault.
It's always my fault


He died because of me
And now I can't see

I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Save me... please
Save me from this nightmare

Cold world goes silent
Where is the love today?
The hands they roam as my skin crawls
Nights and days. Why are they just grey?

I'm lonely. Please help me. Please heal me
Save me from my bed.
I would give me life for this to stop
I look in the mirror at who I should be
As I wipe a tear from my bruised cheek

I'm trapped and can't get out
The prison called my mind
The "what ifs" and "what could have been"
Why Is the world so d*mn blind?
He pushed himself against me
No more. Please no more


These hands, I'm *****. Save me
Please save me
Save me
Save

Be kind they said
Don't lie they said
Leave them behind they said
But don't comply; or have I misread?

They turned their skulls from the vultures that hurt their prey
As they spit their venomous words like "worthless" and "alone"
Yet they call these names "harmless child's play"
But it is "child's play" when that child is now a gravestone?

You see I was a victim of these words
Those razor sharp words that slice you apart piece by piece
But I had to cry out or sit staring at a wall
So that I could discover a tiny bit of release


As I battled those words day after day
I also battled my thoughts to keep sane
Yet the vultures never deceased
And the teachers attention decreased

But why?

Why didn't the care enough to aid?
They walked on by with no remorse
The did nothing and I was left frayed

Will it ever be the same?

As I lay here looking into at the never ending abyss of white
Funny really, a colour so pure can push a person to tears...
My mind is screaming at me for every mistake I made today
And yet it's silent and I'm left with my fears


It's so loud, gosh-**** it
I can't breathe
Thoughts suffocate my soul
You said this to them and they don't like you, no one likes you. You don't deserve them. Your going to fail. Why try anymore.
GIVE UP
give up
Give...


And then... silence
The silence of a mind
Their torments falling upon deaf ears
It's not true
They lie


Darkness now is consuming your vision
Energy lost to the fight that is the daytime
You smile realising the sun is rising
And the 3am shadow is leaving
Those thoughts and feelings aren't true
Sleep now, content that for now you are ok
And await the day, new life


Sleep