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 Nov 2016 alasia
Samantha
I've been told to write what I feel
But what I feel about you is everything I hate about myself
I used to remember your words with fondness reading them off like love letters as if this was a Jane Austin novel
And now my stomach churns at the thought of you ever speaking to me again
Your silence struck me far more than words ever could and I'm terrified by this thought
So I close my ears to the incoming noise and pick a god to pray to
Because unlike you it doesn't matter if they wake up and decide I'm not worth any more of their time
They're not real but you didn't feel real either
We connected over four hours of traffic and wavelengths
Throughout our lives we seemed destined to cross but never touch
Just two parallel lines running alongside one another
And one of us tried desperately to travel a different path
Leading them to where they ought not go
Yet fate is fragile
It doesn't bend to yearning and wishful thinking
Did I post this too soon, maybe I should add more

I'm so over it, been in my drafts for months
 Nov 2016 alasia
xmxrgxncy
Read Me
 Nov 2016 alasia
xmxrgxncy
Read me
like you're under the sheets
holding a quivering flashlight
reading a book Mommy told you
not to but that you told yourself that
you could.

Read me
like the paper thin news
that you strain to hear every
morning but then **** back in
disgust at when you realize its
its contents.

Read me
like the person you wish
you knew how to read and
that you want to more than just
about anything but know that really
you shouldn't.

Read me
like the dictionary on your
paint-peeling kitchen bookshelf
that is boring yet holds truths about
life that you wish with all your might
weren't true.

Read me
like you have tried so
constantly to read your
fading falling self that I say
I care so much about but you
won't listen.

Read me
like the anxious mess
that I am when I even hear
about the past I can't change
and the future I want so badly
to make better.
just a vent of sorts, trying to be poetic but my poetry is **** lately. I just wish i could put messages across in a way that would make people listen.
 Oct 2016 alasia
Mallory
Nothing
 Oct 2016 alasia
Mallory
I am nothing. I feel nothing, lay down and become anything else but everything existing. I become the blankets and the pillows; still, and always inanimate, but soft, feathery, floating. I exist in my head, in your pipe, in my memories, burning away to nothing. I'm not real, right and wrong have no definitive lines and I am wrong all the time, nothing and wrong and right and tired. I sleep and become my dreams, all I want to do is sleep because I don't exist in this life. I don't exist by any means, If there is no evil, only absence of good, then I am empty; hollow. Someone cut me opened and scooped all the real and good things out, carved me like a pumpkin, and smashed me when the candle burnt out. Smashed me because I burned too loud, or not loud enough. Love slips through me the way sand slips through your hands even when you hold tightly. It would take me infinity to reciprocate any affection given to me, so it's easier to leave than to wait. I'm bruised with good intentions that keep spreading across my body and anytime something good touches me, it hurts. Anytime I feel anything, it hurts. So I became nothing. I am always nothing.
 Sep 2016 alasia
Samantha
I don't miss you
I miss the time
And the me that you fell in love with
Because I loved her too
And all that innocence I had
Like flowers circling a pillar
You tore down and tied into ribbons
Hoping that the stems wouldn't rot after you left them on the ground
But they did
I did
So I don't miss you
I miss me
And none of your words
Or touches
Or ******* excuses can give me back the love that I had for myself
The love that I gave to you
That never should have been yours to begin with
But under lock in key inside my heart
So I could remember to cherish myself even after you ran away
I have an 8:30 in the morning and i can't sleep
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