My stomach turns.
I should be sleeping.
but I can't.

I'm afraid
terrified really

That I'm not good enough for you
That I'm not what you're looking for
That I'm not what you want in a girl

What if you find someone new that is what you're looking for?

And what if you already found her?
Yet you let her slip away
You talk about her like she was all you could ever hope for
Why didn't you take that chance and grab her while you could?

Now you're stuck with me
And I don't think I could be any of the things she is

What if she comes back?
Then what do I become?
I become the cookie dough you eat while you wait for the cookies to finish baking
I may be nice in the moment
But overall I'm a bad idea
And just a way to pass time

And that's why
I'm afraid
terrified really

a.a.

I cannot sleep in peace anymore.
I know that when I wake,
You will be gone once again--
And all that will be left is your sweet voice,
Whispering in the back of my skull.

Sometimes when I am in bed,
Laying in the dark,
I listen to the cars roar by
From silence back into silence.

The silence is so loud, I think I may go deaf,
And the darkness suffocates me.
As I lay,
I feel the dark closing around me.
The silence is consuming,
And my thoughts permeate the total blackness.

The world suddenly seems so big,
And I so infinitesimally small.