I forgive myself
For making you a choice
For seeing you.

I forgive the anger that ate me inside
Because I let you get so close to me
Only for you to hurt me.

I forgive these unnecessary desires
Things that used to burn for you
But have folded up into cinders.

I forgive the illusions
I chose to hold on to
Knowing that reality has no space for that.

I forgive my heart
That up til now still hopes for you,
Imagines you wondering about me.

I forgive what can no longer be.
Because I need to let go.
First and always, I must hope for me.

You are like the threads
Unfurling at the end of my coat
With each fiber that detaches
My coat adjusts to the new normal.

It's not the same as before,
But it manages and still keeps me warm.
With threads disconnected,
I now have nothing.

There is nothing,
Nothing more of you inside of me.
The moment you let go of my hand at my stop,
My heart started draining you out, empty.

I smile at the lessons learned
But at the unplanned thought of you
A parched throat in a desert feels better
Than the blankness inside, the only leftover.

You saw only
A vulnerable part of me
Full of tenderness and mischief
All wrapped up in high-pitched
Giddy laughter.

I touched your growing beard
With stories of office happenings
And little rants of hanger and stress
As your empty arms kept me close and warm.
Then you held my hand goodbye.

Boy, you only saw a snippet of me
The tropical islands I came from
And reasons why I love my family.
Done.
My empowered heart has moved on.

And I am so grateful
Because you will never know my dreams.
No.
You no longer deserve my smiles
And will never again hear my giggling.

Hold on to the memory of me
Or who you think I may be.
That's all you'll ever have
A hazy visage
And never all of me.

You have caged me
The moment your predatory gaze
Met my unknowing eyes.

You fed me with fruity words
That I devoured
Like a hungry bird.

Your kisses seared into my skin,
Branding me yours
Like cattle to its owner.

Then you found crimson lips
More delicate than mine.
So you set me free.

Told me:
"Fly away,
There's better pastures elsewhere."

Though I want nothing more
Than to soar,
I cannot.

Because you come at me
Like a swarm of bees
All snug and perched
Inside my memories.