Why does the pain shock you?
You asked for this heartbreak

You begged for it with your eyes
with your hands
with your life
You opened the door when it knocked
You let it in
You lent it your ear when it spoke
You hugged its insecurities away
You healed it scars
You made it feel wanted
You made it stronger

You knew it was going to break you

So why does the pain shock you?
You asked for this heartbreak

And just because he didn't know what it was
that doesn't mean he never felt it
He'll remember it for the rest of his life
He'll get glimpses of it in people he falls in love with
Otherwise he won't fall in love
I hope his heart doesn't sink at the thought
I hope the nostalgia that comes with it makes him smile
God, I wish him so much happiness
He saved me from myself
He was the idea of a God come true
He denied me what I wanted, knowing
it was not what I needed
I will forever be grateful for the stars that brought us together
and pulled us apart when we got too close
Now I know when to set my heart free
and when to simply let it be
God bless his soul and those of the hearts that recognise his beauty

Let’s say the words now

We’ve shown it all off
We’ve took it all off

We’ve done it all
We’ve seen it all

We’ve broken it down
We’ve built it up again

We’ve experienced the pleasure
We’ve experienced the pain

We’re still here
We’re so bare

In the count of three
Let’s say the words
To each other
Together

Let’s say, “I love you”

You know the feeling that you get when you miss a step
That feeling when you turned right when you should’ve turned left?
When everyone has left, that’s not the type of feeling that you should get
Doctors say it’s not normal to feel like you’re falling
While lying down in bed
Then say the drugs will make you stop feeling
And it won’t be all that bad
I do exercises that help me with my breathing
And I listen to what is said
But
You know that feeling that you get when you’ve tried something for the fifth time
And it still hasn’t worked
That feeling when everyone is telling you to stop worrying,
And still that feeling lurked
Doctors don’t know what causes that feeling to stay longer that it should
They say it’s a chemical problem
Do they understand that they haven't really made a breakthrough yet
And I’m afraid I know the problem
This can only be understood by those who have felt it
Doctor, this guessing game, is not working for your patients believe them

When they say it’s hard to wake up, it’s not just physical fatigue
When they say it’s hard to cheer up, it’s not just a chemical lack of harmony
When they say it’s hard to go on, it’s not just the brains longing for the happy pill

The soul is ill

Someday ... I'll find it
The sparkle that got lost inside my eye
Someday I'll be able to look back
When someone looks into my eye
I'll be able to laugh with no fear
Of things that haven't come
I will allow myself to feel emotion
If not all, at least some

I'll be able to say "I love you" when I really do
I will be free to be who i want to
The feeling of falling will not come with
The feeling of not being able to stand tall again

The sun will come but it will not blind me
The rain will come but it will not drown me

Someday

Life won't be perfect, but my heart will run free
Unchained by the pains of yesterday
It will learn that today should not have to pay
For the mistakes of yesterday
And tomorrow should not take up space in today
For we should not dwell too much in promises

Life will be easier and I will be stronger
And someday
I'll walk with no fear of getting lost
Someday it will not be so hard

The universe is in the process of mending itself
and so is my soul

"I'll probably miss you"
"You are." he said with a smile

"Allow me to grieve for him" I told my heart.

I can't reach your human
I hear your words
I feel the desire
I understand, but
I can't reach your soul
It's a pity I can't look into people's eyes
Maybe thats where your human lies
Your holding me is all I look forward to
for the words you speak I've heard before
I hate making you repeat yourself but
there's really no need to keep explaining yourself
I find it hard to explain that its not at all that I'm not understanding
It's that I'm not reaching
I can't see your walls when I'm behind mine
And I'm not letting mine fall until I see you inside
Show me behind the privileges, what did you suffer
Flip your red healthy heart to the other side, who bruised it?
I'm hungry for your sorrows
Feed me your worries, insecurities and impurities
Show me all your imperfections
Baby, I'm nothing without your hurt, your loneliness
I'm useless without your I-Hate-The-World views
My healing nature craves your broken soul
Let me touch it
Let me heal it
Let me see you grow back to who you were when your mother
held you in her arms for the first time
I need YOU to show me
your authenticity
your soul
I need you to show me
your human

You can get addicted to a certain type of sadness
And me, sometimes it consumes me
Sometimes it is the only place I know
It’s a place that does not allow me to grow
A place that praises wet pillows
A place where I feel all my deepest pains as if I were receiving them for the first time
The heartbreak of years ago, like a fresh cut wound that strangely enough
Heals, but gets cut open again
I feel the pains on my brown but pale skin
The knife in my heart coming out for just a second to show the rest of my body what this type of pain feels like
Find peace! They told me.
I tried to find peace in other human beings, but they didn't have any for me, only for themselves
They pushed me away in annoyance, I felt guilty, who did I think I was? ******* the peace out of everyone I met?
maybe they have seen the darkness I always try to hide and God I admit, it’s not pretty
“I have to go” they always say, leaving me alone to fight my demons…
Those who like me are those who don't understand me.
So I crawl back, back to myself,
and the demons come out
and the stitches snap open
and my wounds gape at me, leaking from them bits and pieces of me
and the pains resurface
and I’m not at peace
and I'm not happy

You don’t have to sit on the throne 24/7 for them to know you’re a queen
You can take your crown anywhere
You can cry, with your crown still on
Work on yourself, with your crown still on
You can rest, you can walk, you can wander
Get lost, find yourself, break down, build yourself up again
All with your crown still on
Your throne can never be threatened
You will always be the Queen of your Queendom

forever lost and wandering about this earth fearful
What if, we never find home?

Last time I kept it in
It nearly killed me
So now I crawl to a quiet place
Where no one can hear me
And I let it all out