I stare at the crowd
rapid breath intakes
sweaty palms
I can't do this

I look back at her
telling her I can't do it
don't overreact
she says

my heartbeat is deafening
faster
faster
as if it wants to escape

I can do this
I think
but i know I can't

I'll fail
fail
f a i l

I feel nauseous
why am i so stupid
all I have to do is go there
just walk
**** it
why am i afraid?

I can do this,
I convince myself again
but my heart and sweaty palms
told me otherwise  

I look back to her again
with my pleading eyes
on the verge of crying

it's so simple
how can you fail,
everyone else can do it
she says

simple for her,
but I am not her
nor everyone else

why are you forcing me?

i bite my lip,
so hard that it's bleeding

I stammer
but- I - can't-do- it

why can't you understand?

We are the girls who walk around with little bird bones,
rib cages ready to snap when we spread our wings and
fly away

and for my next act,
I shall disappear little by little until I am ash.

I’m not eating for four days or until
I can feel the ***** that is my stomach start to shrink

I used to refuse food for weeks
it amazes me how self-indulgent I have become

I am ready to eat spoonfuls of air
spin my hair into a models top knot and
know that water is a privilege not a right

a million screaming girls saying
“but im not hungry”
while a tiger flays their insides open at night

Kate Moss said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
and I suppose she is correct
What happens when you learn the tongue is a muscle not to be used

What happens when sustenance is no longer needed
When the mind decides
the very thing that keeps the body alive is a punishment

What happens when you refuse a necessity of being human

maybe I'll write a poem today
I've usually got something to say,
"it's a bottle of gin"
or "it's the tip of a pin"

but maybe today
I don't have something to say
nothing to share
no forced care

I don't have something to say
maybe next tuesday

i was hoping that if you kissed me enough
in places where i thought i was dead

flowers would grow

but i am not a garden
and my dear,
you are far from a dose of fresh water and sunlight

Sometimes
You
Just
Have
To
Kind
Of
Exist
So
Maybe
One
Day
You
Can
Live.

But
I
Have
This
Urge
To
Exist
Until
My
Walls
Crash
Down.

When I was very young
I was afraid of my own shadow.

When I saw the shadow on the ground
I began to scream and ran to my mom.
She always picked me up and calmed me down.

You could say, I was just a stupid kid.
But I think it is actually very profound.

i always feel so alone
even with people surrounding me
it's strange I tell you
and it sends shivers down my spine
i pretend and say "im fine"

I always try and be the best I can
the happiest I can
use all the resources around
but chains of sadness keep me bound

it's strange I tell you
I can be happy for a minute
and sad the next
always feel alone and not wanted

I guess I'm a creep
I guess I'm strange
I just want to sleep
deep
down
the sea
drown
me