Insecurity is so common
We often confuse self love for narcissism

(a.l.e)

I love to look at the way the fireworks sparkle
It reminds me of your eyes
And even though you're hooking up with my best friend
I still love you
But you'll never understand you broke my ******* heart

You freak out when I drink too much
You think I'll drink myself to death
And you panic because you think I feel infinite but really I don't value my life like you do

I crave attention
I crave the feeling of being wanted
So when you text me at 3am telling me to come over
My innocence ignores the fact that you just want to use me like before

I need the way you tell me I'm pretty then proceed to kiss my neck
I want the way you say you love me and then laugh at the crazy notion
I crave the way you talk me through my lowest lows
I love the way you are
But I think you stopped loving me the second I confessed

I told her I wanted to be an actress
She said I wouldn't make it
She said I ****** at acting
Funny thing is
She has no idea I act happy everyday

Relax your face
Soften your tongue
Close your eyes
And loosen your muscles
Calm down
It's okay
Nothing lasts forever
Everything is temporary
The good and the bad
It will end
No matter how fast you try to get through it
No matter how long you want it to last
It will end.
Everyone is temporary
They will come
And they will go
It will end.

(a.l.e.)

Can you tell
Can you tell I'm dead inside
Can you see it in my lifeless eyes
Can you see it in my meaningless smile
Can you tell
Or do you think I'm just fine

And you think my life is so easy
You laugh at my stress and despair
But have you ever battled yourself
Have you ever hated yourself
Have you ever felt paralyzed by your the fear of failing
Paralyzed by the sadness within you
The fear of not doing anything with your life
THE FEAR OF THE UNWANTED FUTRE
The fear of being a waste of space
The fear of disappointing others
Becuase face it
You've stopped living for yourself
Why would you
You given up on you already

My mom told me that the only way relationships work is if the hole in your heart is already filled before you meet someone new.
Their hole must be filled too.
It doesn't work when you're empty and they try to fill you because once they leave you're empty again.
So next time you try to fill my hole remind me to ask which one you're aiming for.
But since I don't think I'm full on my own maybe just fill my other hole until I'm whole by myself.

For baby please don't fear
Just hold me close and wish my dear
Where'd you go
You were so near
Now you're gone but I'm still **here

My cigarettes are hidden within my baby clothes
The bag I had in sixth grade now hides my alcohol under my bed
The journal my cousin gave me when I was 11 is now unscripted with hate
Everything grows up
Innocence doesn't last

Today I watch the clouds
They floated so peacefully by
I wish I could of gone with them
But they wouldn't wait

I'm such a hypocrite
I'm always so sad
But all I want is for you to be happy

I ******* HATE THAT YOURE BETTER THAN ME. IT EATS ME ALIVE THAT EVERYONE LOVES YOU AND HATES ME YOURE SO WONDERFUL AND IM A *******

These walls are so thin
But my skin is only so thick
And honey your words cut so deep

(a.l.e.)

Your **** induced breath whispered my name to pull me closer
You kissed me despite the cigarette on my lips
You kissed me despite the ***** on my tongue
You kissed me
You told me you loved me
You told me you'd never leave me
You told me
And I've realized
I love you
I love you
**I love you

And the  globs of wax collide with one another
Changing the second they're touched
Was that what happened to me
Because after your touch
I can't seem to be back in the shape I was in

(a.l.e)

And my heart ******* aches for no reason
And I'm so consumed by sadness I could collapse
But no body knows what's happening inside
So treat others as if you see treating your wounded self
And stop kicking her when she's down
Or she may never get back up again

In my world all the flowers have blossomed
There is no war; only peace
There is no fighting; only love
There is no harm; only help
And in my world you love me back

I'm honestly petrified I'm growing another heart right inside my under tummy
And it will beat and it will breathe until I **** it off and you will never look at me again not as if you already do..
And quite frankly you can ignore me as much as you please but never forget how i made you *** and moan as you moved inside me freely
And maybe it is my fault I didm't tell you you couldn't or i trusted you enough to respect me
But in the end it didn't matter because I just felt special that would **** me again sober and your sweet words soothed my soul and you swooned me on top and as you told me I was pretty I smiled and felt confident because then we were one now we are strangers..
So should I think of baby names or save up for ******?
You left me alone to make this choice for myself so you better get down on your ***** knees and press your tainted hands to the sky as you ******* pray that blood rushes down soon because I can't do this by myself
And you are lucky I am too timid to speak up and bring this to your attention because I know you are ashamed you ****** me.
Don't feel bad
I would look away too.

Ask me what's wrong and I'll smile and say I'm just tired
And if you believe me we aren't real friends
Because you should know I'm rotting away inside

Overwhelmed by the sensation of the future
Still hiding from my past
Crippled in the present
Who am I
I have so much to do
Yet so little gets done

I think the second I fell in love with you was when I had my head on your chest as I was trying to wake you up to **** me and you just pointed to my ceiling explaining the stars we were looking at.
With your eyes closed but your imagination open you told me about the Big Dipper and the North Star and that's when I knew I didn't stand a chance.

It'll creep up on you like a silent killer
It'll start with the tired eyes even after you've been awake for hours
Then you'll be moody and snap at those you love
Then come the tears
You'll cry over everything and anything and you don't know why
Last comes the self hatred
The secludedness
The lonliness
And you'll try to surrond yourself with people just so you're never alone
You're afraid of yourself
And you keep getting high so you'll never feel low
Because you're afraid
You're afraid that once you're back to your lowest low
You'll end it all

Because of our eyes we see
Because of our brain we think
Because of the trees we breathe
And because of you I live

I have such a hard time expressing my emotions
I don't know if it's because I know you'll judge me
Or if it's the way I hear you talk about your own friends
But I don't trust you
I don't trust anyone
Not even myself

I MISS YOU SO ******* MUCH AND YOU KNEW ME BETTER THAN ANYONE AND I INVESTED ALL MY LOVE IN YOU AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING LEFT SO WHEN YOU DONT CALL ME I KEEP CHECKING HOPING YOU STILL CARE BUT YOU'VE PROBABLY MOVED ON BECAUSE LETS FACE IT NOBODY STAYS.