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ALC Jan 2017
The knowledge of her death kills a piece of me.
I sit, light blaring at the page, hoping for her to wake up.
I sit, hoping this is all just some terrible hallucination she is having.
My stomach twists as I see his face in my head.
Him, the one that learned how to love her, then lost her.
Sadness, guilt and pity swirl through my body.
I can only imagine the deep pain and loss he is feeling.
All of it is to savior for me to bear
I laugh whipping away my tears
This is silly.
I have watched them from a far this entire time.
Their faces are made up,
Constructed, sculpted, from the words that burn into my eyes.
Yet I feel this pain,
This pain I feel in my being must be the same pain that he feels now,
Staring at her life less body
Limp,
Gone.
I want to lunge at the paper
I want to scream, cry, and laugh.
This is twisted
I hate it for sending me to this emotional place,
But I can’t help but continue,
Loving the action and thrills it sends along the ride.
Her death kills a piece of me.
-ALC
ALC Jan 2017
I will not re-invent myself
I have worked hard for who I am.
I am proud of what I have accomplished
And happy for where I have been.
I have goals that I will set,
But they have been set there all along.
I will strive to do the same as I have always done
And I know that I will continue to move on.

This world was made for me.
Made for me to accomplish and destroy.
To build it up from the ashes
That have collected over time.

My New Years resolution
Is not New to me at all,
It has been set in my eyes for decades
I have always been singing the same song.

This year will be so different,
But not for the changes I will make.
It will have changed with my curving path
That time will help to create.

My New Years Resolution
Has not guided me through my years.
My decisions have held me up to standards
They have ripped down my shallow fears.

This year will be so different,
But it’s because I have changed so much.
The little girl that once wrote on paper
Will no longer feel the rush.

I will not see this world as a ticking clock
Counting down my opportunities,
It will be filled with all my options
Open like a book in front of me.
-ALC January 18, 2016
ALC Jan 2017
Collapse
Give in
Let everyone else win.
Let this world let you swim
To an early end.

Collapse
And breathe
Maybe you will see,
Maybe it will all just be.

Struggle
And tug
Pull
Go down with a thud,
Let the blood
Run down your fists
Let it glitter from your wrists.

Struggle
And tug
The ropes loose,
Thud
Let them think they have won
Let them have their little fun.

Push
And shove
Watch them fall far from
The heavens above
To a world
So dark bellow
Never again will they ever show.
-ALC January 16, 2014
ALC Jan 2017
Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t look at me with so much dread!
This world isn’t held up by my hands!
You weren’t made to follow my commands!
Go,
Leave,
Before I plead!
Before this world crashes on me!
Before my hate and love explode with a fire
Of all my dying desires.
Of all the pain I have ever felt
And all the need that keeps me knelt,
By your side for much to long
Burning my insides all along!
Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t think of me inside your head!
Don’t fill yourself with so much dread!
Don’t ask for me to return instead.
Don’t think
Don’t whisper
Just breath,
Let everything settle
And let everything be.
-ALC January 16, 2017
ALC Jan 2017
Are you kidding me?
Your joking right?
You think that that was all a big lie?
You think I took your emotions as a game
That it was just a 3-year fling.
How funny,
…Oh honey,
You have over thought it all again,
Well there you go
Down the rabbit whole,
Made of your own design.
-ALC January 14, 2017
ALC Jan 2017
You bark
You whine!
So many times!
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore!
You cry,
You plead ,
You need me, please!
Just give me a little time.
I will teach you all my tricks,
I will show you this whole world!
You will be my side at every step
And I couldn’t want anything more.

You shaggy tail shall wag
During every single trip,
And slowly your whining will stop
As your view of this world will tip.
I will help you forget your fears,
You will forget that you once had pains.
I will show you that this world
Is made of some amazing things.

No one shall ever hurt you,
No one will ever scream,
I will hold you tight at night,
And you will help to protect me of the lurking beings.
You will be my guide,
In this world of ups and downs.
We will hold each other up
And help each other bound!
-ALC January 14, 2017
ALC Jan 2017
It’s amazing how we change.
It’s amazing all our games,
Were made for not a single thing
Then to tear us apart and give us shame.
I look at you and wonder still
How we made it work so well,
And I wonder how we made it last
When we were both stretching onto such different paths.
I look at me now and feel utterly free
To be the person I can be.
To stretch my limits beyond your grasp
And take on such a challenging path.
I look at you and all I can see
Is a boy becoming what he wanted to be,
A partier wanting more
From a life that he completely abhors.
I wish you more from life then this
Stumbling and bumping and continuing to miss
The true struggle that makes you feel so free
The one that every person truly needs.
-ALC January 14, 2017
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