I've written so many poems
About heartache and regret and worry
About people who will never care enough to read them
For people I could never trust enough
To share with anyway
I showed you my poems today
The sad ones and the happy ones
You wrote your first poem today

I feel like there is someone grabbing my heart
It only stops when I'm around you
When I look into those Aqua eyes
I see joy
Happiness
I see trust
The worry of not knowing is gone because you know there is no need
Because I will never leave

I stopped writing sad poems
When your lips first met mine

The best nights
Are when I'm by your side
And you hold me tight
Last time we were together you turned away
And I groped around until I found you again
The night before that I had a night terror
And you held me and whispered
"It's okay I'm here"
Until I stopped screaming
And I love falling asleep
With my head in your chest
Love hearing your heart beat
like a sweet lullaby
Love feeling your gentle kisses on my hair

I thought we had something special
But thanks for clearing it up
I should have known
It was too easy to be with you
It was only special
Like a lunch buffet special, you know?
Anyone can have it
There's nothing "special" about it
It seems like a better idea than it is
And it's probably going to end up making you sick

Timehop *****
because I can see
that two years ago today
you spent your whole day
sitting in a hotel hallway
playing cards with me
and showing me vines
even though 12 of your friends
were just down the hall
and even though
the hallway was cold and uncomfortable
you were my best friend
and you only hung out with me
and when we traded phones
your girl texted you that she loved you
and I didn’t say anything
but I was so happy for you
I was so happy to see you happy
and so happy we were best friends
and now you won’t even look at me
when I walk by
and that *****

I love you in the mornings
When you're just a little bit grumpy
And your only language is grunting
And last night we made plans for today
But this morning the only plan
Is to ignore the alarm
And when you wake up I'm next to you
But it's never close enough
And you clutch me against you
Like my breath on your neck
Is the only breakfast you need

I don't miss you
I'm just glad I'm moving somewhere hot
Because I'm still picking your dog's fur
Out of my winter coat

I don't miss you
But I decided not to unfriend you on Facebook
So you could keep your mom updated on my life
Tell her I said hi

I don't miss you
I just wish I didn't have this scar
From the time I burnt my wrist
Baking an apology you didn't deserve

I don't miss you
You were just so **** easy to write poems about

I crave you when it's gloomy  
Because you are warm and cozy
And I'm okay with the sound of rain
When the drops gently patter against the window
Like the little kisses you plant on my cheek
But when the wind wails
And the thunder shakes the door frames
And I'm caught up in my dark cliches
I need you to hold me and whisper that it's okay
And I love the smell of that sweet petrichor
But I prefer the scent of your skin

I should've seen it coming
I should've run away
The second I said "I feel like nothing has changed"
And you shrugged
The moment I said "I won't stop loving you"
And you didn't reply
You were all my happy poems
My comfort and my home
Maybe it's my fault
For giving you too much weight to carry
My heart and my soul and my thoughts and my secrets and my dreams
Maybe your heart couldn't stand the weight anymore
But somehow I feel like the weak one

There has to be a reason

Nobody ever likes me as much I like them

Maybe it’s because I have a giant ******* heart

And it hurts me to pull it out and share
Because every time I do

Someone shoves it back down my throat

I keep giving my heart to the wrong people

And when they reject it

I hide it deeper

So it hurts more to pull it out again

I love so many people

But it must be hard for them to love me back

When my heart is turning sour

Expiring from being left alone too long

Hardening from being forgotten


I guess no one wants me around

Because all I have to offer

Is spoiled milk

And rock hard bread.

I'll tell you why my heart swelled the first time
My first
Your first
Our first
Even though we didn't know what we were doing
Between the grunting
And gasping
And gripping
My heart swelled because
You would smile at me
And we would both laugh
And afterwards I held your hand
And you didn't say it then
But I knew you loved me back

I love when we're already nose to nose
But you pull me closer anyway
Like if you hold me tight enough
If you close all the space between us
I can become one with you

Then we'll never have to say goodbye

My closet is half-empty
Because I won't wear
The things I wore
When you kissed me

so many questions
about

the squirming green
lizard

worn as a
hat

by the Walmart shopper
in pajamas

I don't know why but
I'm so afraid of anything
That seems too good to be true
So I keep searching for problems
Or I create them out of thin air
And when I say I'm insecure
It's not because I don't trust you
It's just that sometime I think
You're too good for me
And I'm always worried you'll realize this
And leave
And I've given you so much of me
I'm worried you'll leave
And take my heart with you

Does refusing to drown in my emotions
Make me a coldhearted person?
Just a body floating along
Pushing away anyone that might pull me down
Only the good people sink

I've been doing this new thing
Every time someone laughs at my jokes
I exhale
Until now I didn't realize
I hold my breath as soon as words leave my mouth
And I can't breathe again
Until someone validates
That my breaths are worth it

When I think about you
It's not so much about the good times
Because now I realize
They were only good
In the warped replays that buzzed in my head
And they were few and far between

I think about that one time
you were fighting with me like you always did
and you said "someday you won't need me"
and "someday you won't care about me"
and I promised that day would never come
but you made me a liar
because you were right

Sometimes I feel
Like I'm doing nothing more
Than existing

Sometimes I feel
Like I'm only breathing
When I'm breathing the same air as you

And I only know my heart is beating
When I can feel yours beating too

Okay maybe I am sad*
Because some nights I cry myself to sleep
And there's this pounding in my head
All the time I can hear it
Over the music I blast in my ears
It's like something inside of me
Is trying to escape
but my life is perfect*
I don't know why
But I'm sad
And I shouldn't have to search for a reason
An explanation for everything I'm feeling
I'm mostly happy but right now I'm sad
And I need you to try to understand that

It was so hard not to kiss you

Our lips have always been magnetic 

I knew you were watching me as I spun 

Around and around and around

And I told you
I don't get dizzy
Until I stop spinning

You're all I can think about
Consuming me from the inside
Giving new meaning to overthinking
I get why they call it that
Because my mind is overflowing
Seeping into my stomach
Making it flip like I'm in free fall
Did you push me?
Or did I jump?
Pretending I'm not plummeting
It won't hurt until I hit the ground

Sometimes I see something cheesy
And it reminds me of you
But I keep it to myself
Because we don't do that cheesy romance ****
We act like we're above it
But we both know
When I screenshot "bad" pictures of you it's because I like looking at your face
--and believe me there are no bad pictures of you--
And when you text back in two seconds it's because you miss me
And it's not the cheesy **** that makes me smile at my phone
It's the dumb pun you put so much effort into
Because you know they make me laugh
And yeah we don't say "babe" or "honey" "good night sweetheart"
We say "nerd" and "brat" and "****" and "loser"
But we can stay on the phone for three hours
Like that gym class heroes song
And we both know that's some cheesy ****

If you thought there would be cake here
I'm sorry
Please stay anyway
Please don't leave me like the others
If you thought there would be balloons here
You'll be disappointed
All I have is my deflated ego
My crushed tin foil dreams
Our color scheme is gray
Our party games include Guessing, Struggling, and Heartache.
Our only drink is whine.
Why didn't anyone RSVP?
They came to my last few parties
Some came because they cared
Some came because they were curious
They all left early
When the piñata dumped a load of angst at their feet

Every morning 

My dad writes me a note on a napkin
He thinks I don’t read them

But every “have a good day!”

Is tucked away 

Into an old blue shoebox under my bed

Freshman year this boy wrote me a letter

With the words: why do you come to school looking like you just rolled out of bed?

I stored the words in my mind 

And the paper in a shoe box 

Now I wear dresses almost every day
And wake up 20 minutes earlier to do my makeup


I’ve been telling myself I’m over you 

But I pull your shoebox out of my closet

I cry over our photo strips and 

The origami flower you made me

When you didn’t have money for a real bouquet 

As I put the box back I tell myself

Maybe next time I’ll throw it away

The flower is crushed and soggy anyway.

Every time I buy a new pair of shoes 

I keep the box
It keeps my arms from aching too much

From the weight of all the things I hold on to.

I tried to make a list
Of all the ways you make me smile
It started with the laugh you have
When it sounds like the funny thing
Caught you by surprise
Then, the way you raise your eyebrows
When you catch me staring at you
I tried to make a list
Of all the ways you drive me crazy
First, your incessant insistence
To tease me about EVERYTHING
And the fact that I can’t even pretend to be mad
And also the way you do your hair in the morning
It’s really annoying how perfect it is
I tried to make a list
Of all the reasons why I miss you
Like, I sleep better when you’re holding me
And I can feel your heart beating in your chest
And every time we are together
I am filled with alllll the joy
And it’s always awkward when I blurt out our inside jokes
To anyone but you
I tried to make a list
Of all the reasons why I love you
But it’s so hard to keep track
When the list grows every day
And somehow I manage to keep falling
More in love with you all the time
And I’m pretty sure
I could spend
An eternity
In your arms
And the list goes on and on

Every time I utter your name
It scares me

Because I think about you every day

The days you talk to me are my best days

And the days you ignore me are my worst

That’s the kind of power that toppled Rome 

That’s the kind of weight that sunk the Titanic.

If anyone asks why
I still wear the bracelet you gave me
I'll tell them it covers the scar on my wrist
The one from the boy
Who broke my heart
Before you did

Red
I should have been embarrassed
Of the way we started
All lust and heavy drunkenness
Or the way I came crawling back the next day
My heart hammering nervously in my chest
You've been trying to make me blush ever since
Orange
It all moved so fast
It was supposed to be one night
One week
A text every once in a while
I thought we were always doomed to stop
Or at least slow down
Or something in between
Yellow
I wasn't quite innocent
But I wasn't quite not
Not quite white like all the sheets
In all the 2 star hotels we slept in
Our limbs intertwined
And we would talk and laugh about nothing
I love your voice I love your laugh
Green
I remember when I looked into your eyes
And realized they're the same color as mine
And every boy I kissed before you
Has become just another forgettable pair of brown eyes
Blue
You like to tease that I'm short
But I've never felt taller
Than the way I feel when you kiss me
It's like heaven is just barely out of reach
Indigo
And the hardest moments are all the good byes
I cry a little more each time
And I stay awake all night missing your scent
Missing the way you feel
Of course, I stay awake all night when you're here too
I've seen every shade of the night sky with you
Violet**
This love is something you don't find easily
So rich and beautiful and unique

I'm not sad anymore
but sometimes I get embarrassed
because I can't touch my toes
and I wish I hadn't kept kissing
that boy who didn't like me back
and I'm worried
that I won't have any friends when I leave
and I feel like I'll never really leave
I'll just keep coming back
because this is the only place
where I know who I am
just a girl who can't touch her toes
but isn't sad anymore

When you fall asleep on my arm
And it starts to tingle
And I'm like this is okay I'm fine
But then it starts to feel like
An army of tiny insurgents marching
No stampeding from my elbow to my fingertips
It's like when you hit the wrong input on the TV
And the screen is static
That relentless shhhhwishhhshhhwishhh
That's what's going on in my arm
But you look so peaceful sleeping there
And your arm is locked around me
So I let mine lose all feeling
And the way your heart beats with mine
Is enough feeling to make up for it

Our time together is slowly running out.
We only have about a month and a half left together.
And I dread the day I will see you leave,
On the 13th day of the 8th month.

I don’t know what I will do without you.
The arousing scent you give off is like a drug,
I can't go more than a day without it.
My ears will miss hearing you laugh at my childish jokes.
I will miss seeing your beautiful smile.
It is the cause of my happiness.
I always think about the way you look at me when we are together.
I melt every time, looking into your eyes
I can tell you are in love with me,
And I smile my widest smiles at that thought.

It will be so hard without you.
This has been some of the best months of my life.
You are honestly my other half.
The smarter and cuter half.
There is just no one like you in my world.
Wow this poem is kinda ****** but I don't care,
I think the message is going to be received.

Adriana,
I love you.
I love you so much.
I have never felt this way before.
You are my best friend.
I can just be me around you.
You bring out the best in me.
You are so beautiful.
The thought of you keeps me up late at night.
This poem ***** but hopefully it won't to you.
You are perfect, And I would do anything for you.
I love you.

I hope everyone finds a love
So powerful it overwhelms you
And makes you question
What you ever thought love was before

You will never appreciate me like you should
And I'm finally realizing that's not my fault

I will never hate you like I should
And when I say "have a nice life"
I mean it

We were 13
We said "love you" over text
But I didn't kiss you because I didn't know you
And that's why we broke up

You were tired of being rejected
I was almost 16 and never-been kissed
Your mom didn't want you to date me
And we didn't like each other enough to fight it
And that's why we broke up

You were so sweet and loving
But you accused me of sharing my affections
And even though I didn't
I felt guilty because I did compare you to him
And that's why we broke up

We were never actually a couple
But I made up excuses to talk to you
I went out of my way to touch you
I apologized when you wronged me
But you still didn't want me
My worst heartbreak wasn't a breakup  

You were soft and secure
And I thought I was broken
There was nothing wrong with us
We confused being comfortable with being in love
And that's why we broke up

am I too busy to be sad?
it's hard to be melancholy
when you're in a hurry
or am I just too numb to cry
all the tears frozen up inside?