I know we haven't talked in months, and i know you
think we are better off without each other, but i just
want you to know that i'm doing my best not to long
for your voice and your eyes, i'm trying hard not to miss
the sound of your voice and the curve of your smile, i
made sure to refrain myself from looking at our pictures
that are in the trash bin of my computer i haven't
permanently deleted yet, i keep on telling myself what
you have told me.

that we are better off with people who won't stumble and
crash at the first sign of uncertainty or push the other person
to leave because you know for yourself that you can't and
you really wouldn't. but instead i'm lying on cold white tiles
right now trying to imagine what it's like to be with you still.
I haven't been doing better.

It's 1am
And I'm alone
With the ghost
Of warm hands
And soft love
My mind is filled
With songs we sang
Too loud
My cigarette
Won't quiet my craving
For that searing hot
Touch
Despite the scars
Cut into my skin
Before you
And the sting
Of your indifference
After you
I will heal
I will become strong
I will be cold hard steel
Yet I will never melt
Like I did before
I only did for you

I don't want anyone
to see through my picture gallery
cause they might see the things
and the people
*I'm afraid losing

I should be there with you,
Living in a new city and meeting new people.
I should be getting drunk with you at parties
And staying up all night studying.
I should be exploring the city with you,
But instead I am stuck where we first met.
I should be there to hold you when you need it.

You tell me to follow my dreams,
but you haven't realized it yet.
Being with you is my dream.

Some days I'm fine,
Some days I miss you so much;
I wish someone would tear my heart out.
Some days I am just happy to call you mine.
And some days I wonder why.
Why does it have to be this way?
Why do you live so far away?
I just want you here with me,
I want to be able to kiss you after my games,
I want to wait for you outside of class,
I want to study for tests together,
I want to dance the night away with you at homecoming,
But most of all I just want to hold you.
I just want to lay down with you,
On a rainy day after a long week of school,
And fall asleep with you in my arms.
It's my most favorite thing in the world.
I miss that the most.
I love you,
But this is the hardest thing I have ever done

So I think if my heart was still beating it would be beating faster than your steps on the tiles whenever you walk away from me.

So we agreed to meet tomorrow and I am excited and I am terrified and I am getting ready to kiss you after two weeks and I am preparing myself for the famous "We need to talk" scene.

So I know I should be brave enough to talk about us with you but I know we weren't meant to fall in love but I realise we did anyway and I'm thinking again that maybe that was just me but I'm also thinking about your smile every time you see me.

So we should talk about how bad I feel whenever I'm not with you and about the reasons why it keeps getting worse but we've never really talked and recently we've not really even touched.

So will you pick me up at seven?

We blew the brains out
of midnight
under a root beer sky
and followed the tawny
streetlights like a spindle on a B-side.

Ever effervescent
we tango on piano-key pavements
dancing like febrile bacchants
under a tallow moon.

And we might amble into
crepuscular philosophy
whilst alley dwellers
Do their best to stem
the global water shortage
and graffiti artists
sharpen their spray cans.

Inevitably we perambulate in to lamentations
ruminations on *******
over those we loved from afar
like jackdaws gawking at carrion
we just don’t put it in so many words.

Later we get home and ****
because once you’ve murdered midnight
and the doves come up
and dawn is born
it’s the only thing left
to
    do.