there were so many red flags but i ignored all of them
i was blinded by the light and the love you gave off
you told me you wanted to keep our “thing” a secret
that should have been the first and second sign
1. you called it a “thing” not a relationship and
2. you wanted to keep it “our thing”
you said “people get in the way. they break things. they push people apart”
that may be true but a real bond can get past that
if you really cared about me you wouldn’t care what other people would say
i sure didn’t
but i guess you weren’t that type of person
~
the night yo convinced me to come out to your house was the best
we sat on your roof at 3 am and
we got tipsy off of your dads beer
that was the beginning of the big part that ***** played in our “thing”
you kissed me that night
it wasn’t the first time but it felt different
that was when i started to realize i loved you
we fell asleep with my head on your chest and your arm around my shoulder
still on your roof, right above your bedroom
when we woke up, we rushed down stairs before your parents woke up
you stole their keys and drove me home
neither of us cares that you didn’t have your lisence
you borrowed me a sweatshirt that morning
i loved that it smelt like you
little did i know that that would be the first thing i would trough at you through my bedroom window
~
one month
we were together for one month
that day/night was epic
a true milestone for our “thing”
we went to a local park and
sat on the jungle gym and stared at the stars
hand in hand
you brought a six pack(which was typical) and a bottle of captain morgan
after about an hour of sitting there, taking shots and laughing at ourselves
you got up and lifted me up into your arms
almost effortlessly
i rapped my arms around your neck and my legs around your waist
we just stood there for a good 10 minutes
starring at eachother
the you started to kiss me slow and lower me on to the floor of the jungle gym
the night took off from there and that’s when i blacked out
the next morning i woke up in your bed wearing just your sweatshirt
my head was pounding and i felt like i was going to *****
i didn’t remember much of what happened the night before
put it was painfully obvious of what happen
i was in an empty bed
i wondered were you were
you walked in seconds later with a smile on your face
you looked at me and smiled bigger
i had no expression except confusion
that was my biggest “first” if you really want to call it that
and i didn’t remember it
i didn’t really care though
it didn’t matter much to me ever
you sat down on the bed and asked how i was feeling
i said fine than laid back down on your lap
the rest of the day we stayed in bed and watched movies
i was sure then
that i loved you
~
fast forward to two months after that day
school was starting again soon
you told me you loved me 3 days before our 3 month adversary
i said it back
and then
things started to become rocky for us
we had a lot of drunk nights
we made a lot of drunk mistakes
we had been together for 3 months and you still called us a “thing”
needless to say it bothered me
that day
the worst day for our “thing”
i got a text from one of the girls that i used to be friends with
she explained all of it and
apologized for the whole thing
she genuinely regretted it
i threw my phone across my bed and
curled up into a ball like shape, and cried
i balled
my best friend came over and listened to me rant filled with uncontrollable sobs and tears
she left
i waited for you
i couldn’t cry anymore
it was impossible for me to have more tears
i just waiting
you walked up to my house and came in
i didn’t say a word
your stuff was up in my room in a neat pile
you didn’t know it was there
but it was
the screaming didn’t start till you asked me what’s wrong
“i’ll tell you what’s wrong. you slept with her. three days after you told me you loved me. three days after you slept with me. how could you. i’ve loved yo for so long. i thought you loved me too”
that pretty much all i said to you
i just repeated it over and over in a different order
you stormed out the back door
i ran up to my room and
threw all your trash out the window at you
starting with you sweatshirt
then your phone cord
then your hat
then your sunglasses
and lastly the small plastic key chain you gave me when you first met me
and that was it
we were done
~
i saw you at school sometimes
not often
then you moved
i cared
but i acted like i didn’t
it hurt
you moved on quickly
2 weeks to be exact
it started to kick in
i wasn’t enough for you
so you ******* the first girl you could find
i wasn’t enough
you didn’t want me anymore
i kept replaying our fight over and over
it got really bad
not just because of you
but that’s for a different story
that led to the night i almost over dosed on pain killers
not enough to hospitalize
but enough to make me sick
everyone was worried but i didn’t care
i just wanted to die
you came back to our small town for a couple days
you saw me
you saw how bad i was doing
you didn’t do anything
our “thing” meant nothing to you
clearly
but here i am
almost one year later
1:33 am
and i’m writing about you
your probably in your new town and new house sitting on your roof getting tipsy off of your dads beers with some other girl.
i hate you
but i still love you
all thanks to our “thing”
i’m sorry. i know this was really long but everything is true. in 6 days it will be one year since i had my heart broken for the first time. this was very tough for me to write and i hope you can all respect it