There is sadness woven into my every thought.
Worries and fears shout over each other,
both demanding they be heard first.
My memories whisper amongst themselves
in the corners where they think I can’t hear them.
It’s a chaotic setting that I’ve grown all too familiar with.
But if you were to ask me,
right now,
What is on my mind?
I’d spin you a tale of a quiet room
with fleeting mumbles like nothing ever lingers too long.
Of course, that isn’t true.
My mind has fashioned trinkets out of my tragedies
and displays them with pride.
It’s found sanctum in the somber solitude
of a late night’s crying session.

I’m not even the same person anymore.
The old me,
The happy me,
is confined to a box, long forgotten
on a cluttered shelf behind every mistake I’ve ever made.
Sometimes I’ll remember
what she was like;
Small flashes of bright eyes,
Pink cheeks warmed by the sun
and a wild, toothy grin that never cracked.
I wish she could’ve stayed longer.

God, what I would give to bring her back.
To give her a world
that wasn't so loud,
one that would never beat her to her knees.
She didn't deserve what happened to her.
She only ever wanted the best,
she only ever deserved the best.

it wasn't until the sun rose
that I realized
just how much
I was in love with the moon

My own skin feels ill-fitting.
Like maybe it belonged to me
at some point in time,
But now it sloughs off my shoulders
Like a hand-me-down
given too early…

Soon I will begin again
With an entirely new skeleton.
One whose ribs will never know
The ache of laughter;
Whose knuckles won’t know
The tender brush of your hands.

I’ll have a new body
With lungs that will never be
Torn to shreds by screams,
And cheeks that won’t know
The familiar burn of tears.

I think I want to change

Feel that I am ready

Living as I have this way

Leaves me alone and empty

I think I need to change

How can I be myself

any other way than now

but it is said people change

I need help.