I'm not the first, or the last, to admit this
but those days
those wonderful days when you can run out of a pizza place past midnight and drive
standing up, top down in a convertible jeep around the back roads of a small town
with music so loud that no one can hear you cry
with wind blowing your tears back behind you
so you don't have to worry about getting them on your clothes
holding your arms out
like they do in Titanic
Perk of Being a Wallflower
Superman
but you don't feel the joy that they do
you don't feel what everyone else does
you cry and feel broken
because your mind is a cruel place
and your worst memories and fears come up when you should be having the most fun
so you stand up
constantly watching
to make sure that these empty streets really are empty
constantly hoping that the credits dont roll yet, because you have so much more to do
and you keep your hands to yourself
because you can't let your sorrow spread to the others
once again the tears in your eyes are from the empty hours of another sleepless night
for another night you keep your hands to yourself
afraid to reach out
four heartbeats and a loud engine
all drowned out by a summer night being lived in a horrible way
standing up, top down in a convertible jeep around the back roads of a small town
and doing your best not to jump out and cry

I'd give you my last breath to hear you say my name again.
Because nothing sounds sweeter on your lips.
And drowning in your eyes would be such a beautiful disaster but I'd drown just by choking on my lungs full of love for you.
You haunt me.
My dreams are filled with you.
My nightmares plagued by you.
And my life is nothing without you here.
I feel that it's not this hard for you.
And you don't feel guilty for taking my breath away.
You hinder my breathing.
But you're the crutch to my heart.
The one that fell apart over you.
Over me.
Over you.
And I tried to heal so many times.
A scar remains for every attempt at a new resolution.
But no matter which path I take,
No matter which direction I walk in,
They all lead me back to you.
There is no escaping the inevitable.
And nothing else ever compared to home.
Well you're home to me.
And that's where I want to be.
When I leave your side I'll be lost again.
And I'll never be where I'm supposed to be without you.
And I love being with you but the knowledge that I have to leave is killing me even when you're in my arms.
I want to give you everything you want.
Because when I'm not here I can't
And I know you're not mine.
You're so quick to tell me.
But no one will ever love you this good.
This much.
No one will ever know you like I do.
So they'll never be able to love those parts.
I'm not perfect.
I never professed to be anything more than average.
But my love for you is so much more than that.
My love for you has no expiration date.
It will even exceed mine.
It will only ever get better with time.
With age.
And maybe you'll say goodbye again.
And maybe you'll come back to me.
But I know I'm not going anywhere.
I'll always be right here.
So if you ever want to come to me,
If you ever want to steal my last breath,
take it.
I'd give you anything I had.
I always would.
I always will.
I know you always knew that.
I know you'll never doubt it.
My heart will always be yours.
And you can deny it to your grave but I'll always have a tiny piece of your heart too.
I know you love the way I love you.
Know I'll never ever stop.
Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know where to begin.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
But there's no rainbow without a storm.
And I'd never erase you.
I'd rather have heartache and memories than not have you at all.
You'll always be my rainbow.
You'll always be my storm.
And I'll always be the wind that will carry you through it all.

on a bed of rainbows
i was born
and i lived in the shadows
little sympathy had i worn

and to my guardian angel
i sing a song
'when i was unstable
you were there all along'

when i crawl into sickness
by my bed you'd stay
you taught me forgiveness
from the very first day

someday, when you crawl and fall
i'll be the one to stand for you
and we will recall
everything we went through