My heart, even though already dust,
Somehow continues to break...
And it hurts!
It ****** **** as heck hurts...
And tears seem to be flowing from my dried eyes,
As if my eyes were not dry at all.
The millions of pieces of my heart scrape at my innards,
Almost forcing me to scream,
But I make sure barely a whisper moves out of my lips.
Not because I'm afraid to, but rather I prefer to keep it to myself.
Because no person's there for me anymore...

Can I tell you what it means?
To be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see that pains me as I fall,
Fall into a concentrated fog.

As my life takes a sudden turn again by the will of my Lord,
I'm forced on my knees begging for more,
For more of His aid as I am shaken to the core,
My heart cracking at
My mind's sudden clarity.

The winds have changed,
My life rearranged,
The sudden turn awakening,
Awakening my mind.

My mind attempts to gain control,
Losing balance in my unstable soul,
As over and through every space the wind does pass,
Forcing my mind to work fast.
My mind now trying harder at every new sound,
Trying to figure out what is profound,
Profoundly what is meant to be,
What is meant to be for me...

Can I tell you what it means,
What it means to be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see?
That it pains me as it all falls apart.
And slowly so too is my heart...

Can I tell you what it means?
As I train myself to smile,
Acting to those around me and beguile,
Beguile most who surround me to save myself from greater pain,
Protecting my heart from further strain.

As all this happens, as it all falls apart,
It separates the pieces of my heart
Falling apart...
Breaking my heart,
Ripping apart,
Turning to dust.

Things are not as they used to be...
I feel I've become something more
Something more than what I used to be
As if something's changed
Even though nothing seems to have?
The petals are slowly falling
Their fall almost contradicting
The cause of their fall...
And as I stare,
Not at the petals
But into the dark abyss that they are enveloped by,
I'm left wondering
What is left of me,
And what I've lost....

Tired...
That's all I can say...
As I stare at nothing in particular everyday,
I mean won't it just ever go away?
Won't it just leave?
Won't it realise it's destroyed me enough?
Won't it just allow me to relieve?
Relieve all the wounds
From the poison flowing out,
The poison only continuing to sprout,
Disallowing the gashes to seal up again,
Draining the blood out of me to gain,
A sense of wholeness once more,
But I feel that I know that I will forever lay sore...
forevermore.

My emotions, easily swayed...
My heart, easily frayed...
My mind, overpowering, confused,
Conflicting, raw, my soul... diffused...

I lay there, dazed, alone,
My eyes dart, tired, no moan
Escapes my lips, as the shadows encompass my soul,
I lay there, limp, thoughtless, imprisoned in the body of a doll.

I stand, eyes unfocused, the days flitting by,
My eyes are still, I cannot cry.
No tears are left, no tears reside,
In the empty body of the doll aside....

Dyed... tainted,
Blind.

My wrists are tied to individual ropes
The ropes are taut and hold up my body
My head lays limp...
My legs hang swaying...
And my eyes are beginning to lose sight.
The ropes keep getting reeled in
And my arms...
My arms are slowly losing sense
Slowly losing sense...
As they are
Slowly
Ripped
Off and out of my
Torso.


But I don't scream.
As my arms are stretched further away
Further away
From my heart and my brain
I don't scream.
As my heart becomes numb and my mind slowly loses its voice.
I don't scream.
As my ears become powerless.
I
Don't
Scream...
I
Don't....
Scream
But...
But I whisper...
And each word echoes off of the cool grey cobblestones that rise over me
No person hears my whispers...
Not anymore.
No person can see me..
Not anymore.
And slowly... slowly...
I am forgotten,
As my arms begin to lose their cohesion
And my joints begin to dislocate...
And my eyes become blind.
And my ears become deaf.
And my heart and mind stop.

My arms are final ripped off of my body.
My body falls
Through the air...
And remains,
In a state of falling...

I began to understand what it was to be a sand castle... sure it would have the sun shine upon it... but it's so weak and fragile, each small sand grain trying to hold each other together in one structure. Trying to hold together when gravity is bearing down, the wind is blowing hard and the tide is bearing in... And slowly slowly... every grain of sand begins to separate. Slowly slowly it begins to lose itself...
It was already hard facing so many difficulties but now it has to face a bigger difficulty, having to pull itself back together again. And it isn't hard to pull the pieces gravity separated back to the heart of the structure, no. It's hard to pull together pieces that were taken into the depths of the seas (and not the oceans) and the pieces that were blown to great lengths by the winds... and so when the sand castle finally did pull back together it found pieces of itself missing... not knowing that when it exposed itself whether willingly or unwillingly, knowingly or unknowingly, to such harsh situations... that it would be changed forever.