The day starts like any other day. I wake up and am ready for another boring yet stressful day at work. But when I walk to the road, get in my car and start it, I see the passenger door open. And Death sits down and closes the door. And as he closes it, he turns to me and says, “No need to start the car, it’s time to go.”
It takes me a minute to process that after all this time Death is finally here and that he wants me. A little shaken I turn to face him, and through tears I tell him, “I’ve waited for you for so long. Every night I have longed for you but you never came. Why did you wait so long? I tried everything, I gave everything for you, but you never showed. Why-” I stop as my voice starts to break. And that's when I feel death's warm arms around me and to my surprise I feel his tears stinging my face.
“I was there all of those nights. Every night that you cried and called out to me I was there. I longed to embrace you, to welcome you home, but that I could not do. For every time that I tried to get near to you, the angels would attack me and cast me away. But I am here now. I am here for you and I will never leave you. Please come with me, and please, do not look back.” Death pulls back as he slowly reaches for my hand. And without a second thought, I reach for it. Since then and for eternity, I am Death’s and Death is mine.

I sit here and I think about what happened. The pain that I felt. The betrayal that flowed through my skin. Anger started to bubble, it started to burn until I became a living fire. The fire was unstoppable because I knew that I could overcome the world. The strength of this fire sparked my inner energy. It let me become someone that I had to always shove down deep inside the walls woven in my skin. The walls that took me a long time to build. Each day would go by and with it the energy and the time to build those fire proof walls. I built those walls because I knew that I would need them someday. I knew that I needed to be stronger than the fire I would build.
I had to experiment time after time and each time I did the fire burned too much. Then finally I did not care about the fire that burned within. I did not care that it ripped through my veins and filled up the rest of myself. It melted the walls and broke down all of my nerves until they were in submission not to feel anything. Not to feel pain, but only the fire that burned within, the fire that burned them.

The things in my mind are starting to break me down once again. And I do not know how much longer I can keep trying to fight them. Because every day that I try to fight then they keep getting stronger and I keep getting weaker. They are binding me to the wall, and breaking me apart. And I am tired of trying to break the chains that they have put on me. They are impossible to break, and they have always been. I don't even know why I ever tried to fight them. I don't know why I didn't give up a long time ago. That would be better than believing that they will break. It would have been better than to waste my strength to break something that is impossible to break. Because they are cutting off my circulation and it's getting really hard to move. Because they are cutting me every time I try to take them off. And I am losing blood and I feel so weak that I cannot even stand. I can barely even breathe. And now I am stuck on the floor crying and breaking into pieces. And the thing is there is no one that  can help me break free. Because once they do, I am a lost cause. The damage and the pain will be too much for me to bear. The blood that I have lost will be too much. And I don't even know if I could ever move on. Because the strength that I once had, the resilience I grew, is all gone. So if someone ever helped me they would have to watch me die anyways.And I cannot have them watch that. Can’t have them watch the light slowly fade and see the haunted look in my eyes as the things that happened slowly consume me. They would have to watch the hope leave my face and the look upon my red bloodshot eyes from all the nights of fighting. All the nights of being up so late trying to keep breathing and not to give up. And they would have me watch me take my last breath. And I have a feeling that they would blame themselves. Though I was a lost cause ever since I turned 12. I have long been defeated. I just had to hold on a little longer. I had to give you hope that you could break free. Because I know that you can. So I wish you luck and the life that I will never get to live. Have the smile that it took me a while to fake, have the breath that I no longer have, and see the bright future that I longed for. So live your life because it is precious. It is worth it, and I wish that I could have joined you and watched you grow and flourish. But it is far too late.
If only I could turn back time and not let the chains get a hold of me. Not let the pain trap me. But wishes are useless. As I have learned this time after time. I've wished on so many stars but to no avail. I cried out to God, but he didn't answer. I asked Death to take me, but he never came, I asked to be loved, but even love despised me. So I am sitting here in the empty cold silence as my mind gets quieter, until I can no longer hear the blood thumping in my ears. Until I can no longer see you, until my vision gets blurry and everything disappears for the last time.
But live on, move on, forget me. I was never meant to be here. I was never meant to be given the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, and the smile on my lips. Carry on as if you had never heard about me. As if I was never in your life. That is the only thing that I ask of you. Because we all know that is the best thing that you can do. It is the only thing you should do. Because the more you hold onto the what ifs, the worse off you'll be. Until you end up like me. Where the only way that you could ever be free is to let go and say goodbye. And that is a place that you never want to be at. Because the pain will eat you alive, the doubts and the wishing will make you so weak that you won't be able to fight back. And your mind can't think clearly anymore. Your mind will be so confused and blurry that you won't be able to find your way out. And then pretty soon there will be no way to get out.

Every night they get louder
Telling me everything I’ve done wrong
I can't stop them, though I’ve tried
I’ve tried to ignore them
Tried to silence them
But they keep getting worse
The first few nights my mind took control
It would only bring up the memories
And a few put downs
But then it kept getting worse
It got just a little worse
I would cry for hours into the night
But now… It’s declining rapidly
I can’t stop shaking
I can’t stop crying
The memories are getting worse
The things they’ve said
What they’ve done
The people that have left
And the thoughts that I am thinking
I can’t stop them anymore
“Just think, “ they start
“Just a few seconds too late
“ you forget to break in time.”
Or they say ,” you have them upstairs
“Don’t you?
“Just a few wouldn’t hurt”
But sometimes it’s worse
“Don't watch the light.
“It doesn't matter  what color it is, just go”
They are getting harder to ignore
I can’t do this every night
I can’t sleep
The thoughts, they are too much
I can’t stop ******* shaking
My stomach is so tense
I just long for peace
I long for the sweet embrace of death
For I know she’ll welcome me
And pull me into a warm but cold embrace
And I’ll never be alone again
I'll be safe
I'll be home