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 Mar 2020 Vellichor
Bamboo Bean
Bipolar, if you had asked me what I knew about it six months ago I would have said it means that a person goes from being really happy to really sad sometimes or, if I would be honest I would have said I hadn't a clue about it.
Bipolar means to touch heaven and hell.
This year began with me being in a severe depression, often holding a loaded gun to my head with a finger lightly depressing the trigger. Bipolar, after all, is the highest killer of all psychiatric illnesses with 1 out of 5 committing suicide and 1/2 attempting it. I felt completely alienated from anyone- severely out of place in the world, as if my birth was some sort of horrible mistake.
But I'm holding onto hope, hope that all these meds(Lamictal, Saphris, Abilify) may eventually enable me to have a life again. This year I lost my sister to suicide(she was 27 and also bipolar), I cannot put anyone through the pain that I've felt due to her leaving like she did. I must "carry that weight" as the Beatles would put it.
If you too are Bipolar I would love to chat, please message me. I'm looking for a friend who can relate, hell, I'm just looking for a friend.
 Mar 2020 Vellichor
k
ilfcis
 Mar 2020 Vellichor
k
They say it's better for your health
To always be kind
To go through the day at a steady pace
And regulate your emotions

They say slow and steady wins the race
But they're just going through the motions
Running into oceans...
Drinking deadly potions...

High highs and low lows
My life never flows, never slows, sometimes blows
I'll never know
I'll always care

Like the turtle and the hare
It never seemed quite fair
That the fastest of us fall behind

I wish it could all rewind

A perspective that sticks is hard to find
Please pull the trigger,
I beg and I plead
My life is a mess
my heart needs some peace.

Please pull the trigger,
would you try to save  me
I'm depressed, melancholic
No more, no please.

Please pull the trigger,
the burdens too big
my body is weak now,
my soul needs to sleep.

Please pull the trigger,
Grant my last wish
'fore I lose to myself
I'm helpless. I'm weak.

Hey mister! please look and see
My soul begs for freedom
my heart wants its peace.

Mister please pull the trigger,
Please try and save me
I'm tired, I'm bored
I'm done for, I QUIT.
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