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They say
Denial is the first stage of grief
I think I'm going through it.
I still can't believe that
You are gone,
Just like that, Nana.
Growing up,
I have never known a home
That didn't have you.

I can't believe
that the next time I return
You won't be there,
Waiting for me
In your usual arm chair,
With a cherubic smile on your face,
When you see your granddaughter.

The last time I came home,
I was so afraid
of how much you remember,
if my face would even register,
And when I asked with hope and apprehension,
"Can you recognize me?"
You smiled like,
I had said the silliest thing in the world
and replied, "Why won't I recognize you?"

Home
will never be the same without you.
You used to be my North Star, my Superhero,
The one I always looked up to and was in awe of,
No one will ever match up
To your wisdom, your goodness.
It is like the brightest star
has been snuffed out from my life.
Now, who will I call Nana anymore?
Who will ever smile at me like you used to?

Wherever you are -
I hope you are in a better place,
Happier, healthier, and in peace.
I hope you can walk again in fields of meadows,
And breathe fresh air under the open sky.
I hope you get to eat your favorite dishes
and all the sweets you crave,
I hope where you are,
You can listen to your favorite music,
Read all the books you want,
And write all the stories,
You couldn't in this life.
I hope wherever you are,
You can still feel my love for you.

I will always look for you in the stars,
Love you and miss you forever, Nana.
My grandfather passed away this Thursday, 27th June and has left this huge gaping hole in my heart. He was the finest human being I knew and it was a privilege and a blessing to be his granddaughter. He has been a constant in my life since I was a child and now he is no more. My love for reading, writing, music and so much more, I inherited from him. Please say a prayer for him if you are reading this...🙏
You have limited weeks
that are still available
small vacation peeks
your time unassailable.

Leave it clean so new
guests thoroughly enjoy
their pristine view
of this brand new toy.
Where do I go now?
The Sky is burning and larks are
invoking unheard screams.

In crisis you bow out.
I want to stop breaking hearts.
O colossus, violence is rising.

On the wall sits a buddha
in prayer. He wants to make
peace. I dream to commit suicide.
I am not sure why I bother
To connect to others

~It only leaves me feeling shame-
-A mess, a wreck, a ball of flame~

It all's a bit too much
To stumble about without crutch
He stands, mocking, full of his worth
and crowned by stinging opinion
He’s won. By one.
‘Not even one whole point’ I want to say
to everyone - ‘by a rounding error.’

We rejoice in wooden dialogue
snaps are fired, content is captured
I feel ridiculous and awkward

As the great pageant ends,
he leans in, in a hugging action
but I will not grow dainty with this - prince
- and I step out of his hands
"Seriously?” I mumble, shivering.
There’s an old saying (in my family), "Show me a happy loser and I'll show you a loser - show me an unhappy loser and I'll show you a loser."
My head is a paper weight again
Anchoring my pen
I can't write anymore
My poems now folklore
Though no one remembers them

There was a time when words cluttered my mind
Now, they're hard to find
I never know what to say
Besides, words hold no sway when others mold them like clay
and then toss them away
It seems like a waste of time

I keep it all now
I eat it and breathe it
I've been forced to believe it
So I just shut myself down
Although I still walk around
i can't touch you,
i'm forbidden to touch you,
to think of you, to sigh
          but i can see the seagulls
flying over the sea
            and screaming
                                and flying
i see how the waves are throwing stones at them
                                                    and they don't look back,

i”m forbidden to look into your eyes
but i can bathe in them like a tear,
and touch your warm cheeks,
until i drown in leaves,
i'm forbidden to kiss you,
but i can look for the summer,

i'm not allowed to touch you,
to sigh,
but i can smell you like an orchid
born without laws, without oaths,
before the sphinx man,
born of steam and smoke,

look, they overpopulate the earth
shooting "arrows" covered in pollen,
                                                        i­­n all directions
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