How stupid I am.
To think I was the only flower
In your garden.

I still remember
How blue the sky was
The clouds were billowing
That was one of the brightest scenery I’ve ever seen.
I thought they were also celebrating
The happy-excited feeling that I owned that day.
I bet I was the most excited one!

And I started to dream;
Having a grand ceremony
Where we both are the King & Queen
Walking through the aisle.

Days went by, it changed to months
My dream was getting higher to catch
It was impossible for me to grab
There was a ***** that burst my bubble
Turned out my dream was no longer mine.

From the day I lost my bubble
Every time I drive through this road
I try to snap a new beautiful picture
But up till today, I couldn’t make it.
The scenery is no longer as beautiful as that day
The sky is always hazy and blur
The clouds are no longer closed to each other
I think they’re still mourning
Over the loss of my dream.

; I'm sorry.

Lonely isn't the feeling when you're all alone,
In an empty room,
Or sitting in the darkness.
Lonely is when you're with many people,
Walking along a chaotic road,
Surrounded by noisy human,
But you feel like you're all alone.

I saw this young lady
She stepped into Starbucks
Holding a thick novel by Murakami
And a wrapped sandwich from Subway
In front of the counter
She smiled to the Barista
Ordered her coffee
Grande hot caramel latte, i guess
She chose to seat at the corner
Tasted her coffee using the stirrer
Unwrapped her sandwish, began to eat
I kept my eyes on this young lady
While she was eating, she was scrolling
Wasnt sure what was she looking at
But I saw she smiled, and giggled to herself
She was all alone
Accompanied by her handbag, handphone, coffee, and subway
But her face didn't show that she was lonely
She ate halfway, i knew she enjoyed her sandwich a little while ago,
She seemed to made a phone call out
Her pleasant face changed expression
While she was talking on the phone
She took the Starbucks serviette
Started tearing, began to cry
What a long conversation she had.
I watched her for a moment
What made this young lady cried?
I wonder.
She didn't finish her sandwich,
I wasnt sure bout her coffee, but she threw it away as she stepped out from Starbucks.
I whispered to my self,
"What drama I just watched?"

And this wholeheart breaks again
For whom i trusted most
The person i spread my love to
But this human betrays my trust.

Being hurt isnt a feeling anymore
Frustration feeds my heart
It's sickening, but crying no more
It eats me though, but i fight very hard.

You know he would do anything for you
Anything. You just name it.
He would've given you anything you've asked.
He would've taken you anywhere that you wished.
You know why?
Well. Dont tell me that you dont know.
Silly you.

But for everything he has sacrificed for you,
Do you think he will ask you to payback?
Or he will expect you to do the same?

No, he doesn't request for anything in return.
But all you did was lie to him.
And you betrayed him.
Was that the way you reciprocate?

Now he is sitting and wondering
Who's unfair to him
Is that you?
Or life is unfair?
Tell him.

A year has passed
Which gave me the thoughts;
I wasn't lovable
I wasn't enough
I wasn't worth it

Here's another year
Hoping not full with heartbreaks;
But heart healing
And abundant joy, instead.

For my insecurity, I'm asking you now;
Was it my fault when you were unable to make me feel secure?
Was it my fault after I saw you keep tracking her location, and where she was?
Was it my fault when I heard your phone non-stop vibrating for calls and messages?
Was it my fault at the moment I saw that phone number kept calling you?
Was it my fault when she keeps looking for you at any time?; Not only when her car broke down!
Was it my fault when I found out that you've been cheating on me for all this while?

Answer me now. Was it my fault??

Even if you've been;

Holding on for years,
Fighting the battle alone,
Staying strong with patience,
Giving your effort to the fullest.

But if none of the above make sense
To the person who's supposed to,
You'll eventually reach to your limit,
To stop giving in,
Like you used to do.

Then you'll whisper to yourself,
"This is not my loss"

I had reasons to leave you. but I didn't.
I tried my best to be part of you, but you didn't.
I was continuously seeking for opportunities to be with you, but you didn't.
I was holding your heart with care, but you didn't.
I tried to hold onto this relationship, I kept reminding myself to be patient,
I tried to be strong even when I couldn't.
I tried to be the one who loved you wholeheartedly, but you didn’t.
What else should I do to have your heart in return?
When everything was falling apart,
and everything that I did at my best,
wasn't enough, to win your heart.

You will never get what you want
Not all your wishes will come true
But decision has been made
You chose your own pathway
And wished to have beautiful days
Then you realized it was a mistake made
And you cant turn back
To re-do everything is impossible
Your journey seems so hard
And youre about to give up
Dont be. You just need to head up
Be strong and deal with it.
Bcs the ending is what matters most,
Live up to your expectations,
And create a beautiful end.

If these hands could talk
They'd tell you
How many times
They wiped my tears away
Each time you broke my heart

If these eyes could talk
They'd tell you
How many litres of tears, shed
Wasted for crying over you

If this mouth could talk
It would tell you
How many words
I've spoken to you
To beg for your attention
Craving for your love
Wanted you to come back

If only this heart could talk
It would tell you
How sick and tired it is
For all these
Never ending *******
And it would tell you
Why does it still love you
Eventhough you are the one
Who keep break it into thousands pieces
And it would tell you
Why does it still forgive you
Though it knows
You don't deserve it at all.

You know the sad truth,
But still choose to hope.

Your hope will only eats you up
Till you finally fall apart
And you need something to hold onto
To make you feel alive
Again, you still choose to have a hope.

Stop living in denial.

you stab me in the back, but i dont hold it in
i continue to bleed, it's okay
coz wound might deal, eventhough the scar remains
i keep my mouth shut, but eyes are wide open
i notice everything, but i pretend that i dont
i'm not stupid, but old enough for this ****
i'm giving in but please beware, i warn you
you're unconsciously touching my limits
mirror yourself and ask "is it worth to stay?"
choose to stay out, or you'll stuck in emotions
stop those unneeded kindness, which are unnecessary
coz your line might be barred,
or you might lose the grid TRUST.
you choose, coz i take pride on my scars.

i'm standing on the blade, bleeding.
while i'm watching you on the stage, dancing.

It's scary
How in a moment I can be fine
Staring into space
Then suddenly
Feel so much pain
So much hurt.

And sometimes I just feel tears fighting to come out,
For unknown reasons.

True friends,
Dont judge you
From what you did
They dont pick you
Bcs of how you dressed up.
A true friend knows,
How to keep up with their small circle.
It's okay if you dont have many
As long as you know
Who your true friends are
When you need them.

You love her attention more than mine it seems.
Maybe I'm giving you too much of it.
and she's giving you too little.
but you love her attention anyway.
Now I notice that,
giving you more is just giving you less.
not even more.
I should’ve reduced it anyway.

The days of the year have passed,
Another year is coming,
I'm still counting the days,
From the day I was born, until today.
At this prime age of 26,
My friends are getting married,
Some are doing well in jobs.
My sisters are pregnant,
I'm a blessed aunty next year.
My parents are still healthy,
They're driving new car.
My boss is still paying me,
He's planning for a new project.
My closed person is getting bigger,
Meaning he's happy like forever.
What a blissful 26 years,
I couldn't ask for more,
Thank you God, for everything,
I'm looking forward for 2017!

I often asked my self
What's my dream and ambition
I realized the older I become
I started to lose them one by one
Until i have none.  

Standing in my shoes
Watching others playing their part
Each of them has their role to play
While I enjoyed watching theirs
I forgot mine.

I feel like to cry out loud
To express exactly what I feel
Why does this thing happens?
I can feel the pain in my chest.
The inevitable thoughts in my mind
Keep running and spinning in my head
I cant help. They are unstoppable bubbles.
Searching for the hands to hold onto
I'm afraid of falling
I can feel my body weakening
Loosing the energy and spirit
To keep on standing.
Somehow I hear the floor whispers
"Dont worry. If you fall, I'll be there"
I find myself relieved. Coz I know,
Even if I fall so ******* the floor
It will not break me.

Being tortured and mistreated
That is not what I deserved
I'm not strong, though I can stand
But somehow I will eventually fall.

But it is one of the most pleasurable things to do.

No doubt when i say i love you,
but it's hard to say;
meeting you is unfortunate or fortunate occurrence?

Just now I asked God,
Why He chose me to go through this heartbreak,
I said I cannot bear the pain anymore.
My question being left unanswered.

Now something comes out from my mind;
"While He gave you happiness,
Did you ask Him, why would He choose you?"

I remain speechless.

why is it so difficult for you
to tell me the truth
in anything

why is it so hard for me
to leave you behind
with all your lies

you know, i know the truth
you know you lying
but yeahh.. you continue lying after that
and i keep accepting
all these lies, after lies.

If you were given a chance
To be with your family,
Be with your family.

If you were given a day off
Out of your hectic working days,
Rest yourself, get a quality one.

If you were given a person
For you to love and be loved,
Be grateful, you've been chosen!

For,
Everything is temporary,
Nothing lasts forever,
Appreciate while you can.

I see you for everyday
we talk to each other
sometimes we laugh
but rarely we cry

One thing that I know
You're right in front of me
Exist. Can be touched.
But it's a lost to me

Starts with strangers
Which heading to different path
Not knowing each other
And never thought it would.
Becomes friends by accident
Welcoming new existence
Kinda exciting, huh?
Well, the beginning is always like that.
And it continues
To a phase we call it
Best-friend-lover
Everything is so fine
Coz they are so blind
Sparks in love that strikes.
A lovey-dovey happens next
Both become sweet-talker
Promising each other
Living in their own world
Surviving instead of drowning
Oh God, love at its prime.
Time flies
The journey isn't easy as it seems
Things happen, mistakes take place,
Suffering in heartache, keep tearing
No longer favorite each other
Now they started drowning
In their own love's ocean.
The cycle is currently
Heading to a down-*****
And everything changes
In a blink of an eye
Totally up side down
They become strangers again
But this time,
This stranger isn't welcome
To enter each other's life
Not even allowed
To knock the door
Of each other's heart.

End of another love story.

Ladies,

If you wanna love him, just love him
You wanna chase him? Go chase him
Uh-huh. You want to wait for him?
Okay. Wait for him then.
Or maybe, you wanna beg for his attention?
Well. Just do what you want.

But PLEASE, don't forget to use your BRAIN.

Coz i didn't use mine while i loved him. Silly me

If you were given a chance
To have and to hold
Someone who wholeheartedly
Loves you, cares for you
Someone who
Would give their all
Just to get your love in return
Don't let them go
They will never come back
Coz they're not a boomerang
Trust me. Chances are
You will only regret the chances
You took for granted.

So dominant; he is.
Heartless; never leave.
He's kinda vindictive.
Can't forget, do forgive.

Yesterday i was wondering
Where am i standing actually?
Is it in your heart?
Or no place in your heart?

This morning i woke up
And realized
Actually i'm standing
Together with the trash can

I thought we shared the same dream
I thought you were leading me along the journey
But I was mistaken
You left me hanging alone
With your broken promises
You pushed me away
Like I'm nothing to you
But it's okay
Now I can finally say;
It was not my loss.

I still remember our prime time
More laughter than tears
More discussion than ignorance
Everything seemed to be perfect.
Now everything has turned upside down
No more joys, no more good laugh
Shedding tears, ended up good fight.
And our prime time, has come to an end.

"Who hurt you?"

"my own expectations".

(that eventually kills me)

Dear Mr Rocky,
It's not that I wanna let you go
But I think this is the best time
For me to handover you
To somebody else.
It's not that I love you no more
I love you still, you will have my heart
Wherever you go.
You've been with me during ups and downs
You were literally with me.
You heard me laugh
You saw me cry and scream
And you've been hearing
All my nonsense talking,
Cursing the reckless drivers,
Like for everyday??.
I'm sorry.
But whatever you've heard,
Pls keep it as a secret okay?.
Thanks for being a good listener.
I love you. Forever will.
You're my first car that I afford to have.
Be good to your new driver.
So-called "new owner".

The moment I was holding on for you,
Was the moment you didn't realize my existence,
The moment I opened my heart to let go of you,
Was the moment you came back claiming you will stay,
Now comes the moment I'm hanging on for nothing,
Watching you walk away; again,
Leaving your sweet-talked-promises; undone.

People are saying
Whoever is having me
They are so lucky
But you prove them wrong.
I'm a total mess
Absolute disaster
Horrible dream
You ever had.

And you were telling me you wanna leave
My eyes suddenly started tearing
I've hold these tears for quite sometime
Been telling myself not to lose it
I've given the best efforts I could
As for I loved, I loved completely
I've fought for you so **** hard
For the thought you were worth to fight for
I've been strong, stronger than I should
As I hoped you were bullet-proof
I've been holding on, though my hands were bleeding
As I knew you were there to heal the wound.
Reasons why I stayed.
I was stupid before I met you, I knew.
But even more stupid when you left me in the lurch.

don't come back
like you used to be
stay gone; for good
let me move on.

Once,
There was a pure soul
Lived in a tiny body
And have had a big heart.
But it was strong anyway.
Now,
The tiny body couldnt take it anymore
But still carrying a big heart
Tho the soul has been taken away.