The stars envied her heavenly body...

I wish I'd said
The things I never did.
For I mean things
I never say,
And say things
That were never meant.

I wish
we could start over,
a new beginning
with no end.
One where we watched
the stars at night
And lived the dreams
We always dreamt.

And I wish I told you my dreams
When you were in them
Like the stars,
Late at night.
But I woke up this morning
From my dreams
And I saw you
As the sun began to rise.

I wrote a poem
of a poem
about a poem

I wrote you a poem
inspired by a poem
of another poem

you'll never read it

It's catching fire
the ashes are lost

I spent an hour
writing you a letter

where I wrote you a poem

you'll never speak of it

it's hidden in a drawer
sealed

catching fire

you'll never see it

To
you

From
Me

What if
I had fallen to my knees
On the cold parking lot concrete
Tears washing over my cheeks
And cries no one should ever have to hear
Bellowing out from beneath my ribs
Screaming at the sky
Looking up at your face
Forcing you
(and everyone else)
To see me in this godforsaken state
Of absolute chaos
Heartbreak
In it's rawest form
What if I had begged you to stay?
What if I'd told you I can't do this without you?
What if I'd told you how much I needed you
What if I did anything other than fighting back the tears
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Mostly for the crowd of people gathering
Saying their goodbyes
Anxiously looking around to bear witness to everyone else's reactions
And I didn't want to be that girl
That girl who falls to the ground
Kicking and screaming and crying and begging
But what if I was?
What if I was any girl other than the one I pretended to be that day
The one that held her tongue and kept her mouth shut because she knew the second she opened it to speak she would sob
The one that wrapped her arms around you for the last time,
and the one that let go
The one that couldn't bear to watch you walk away
So she kissed you goodbye
Got back in the car
And drove home
What if i wasn't that girl who didnt allow herself to completely fall apart until she was alone in the privacy of her own home?
What if instead I'd made a scene,
Doing what everything inside me so desperately wanted to
Grabbing hold of your hand and refusing to let go
Losing the facade of confidence
The charade of strength
But I'm not that girl
And I never will be
So each and every time you leave
I kiss you goodbye
I unclench my fists and retract my anchors
I untether my heart from it's human home
And I put on a brave face
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Or maybe
For that girl.

You left me but i found you again in my poems.