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Just Some Chick Jan 2015
I tend to live my life in a cloud, always foggy, never taking the time to look around.
I gave up on the world before I even saw it.
I gave up on myself before I had the chance to live.
It's so easy to get lost in my head and forget to breathe sometimes, but you call me out on it, every time, no matter what. It doesn't even matter if you're struggling internally as well, you always make sure to look at me. To notice when I'm not talking as much, or when my text seems oddly worded.
I knew how intuitive you were from the very beginning, I would watch you watch the world. And the sparkle in your eye forced me to look around as well.
You are the push I've needed for so long, you keep me focused and remind me that it's just another day.
No matter how horrible things may seem
the birds will still chirp,
flowers will bloom,
life will go on.
And I can either continue to crawl through it, or I can live. I can choose to smile, every single morning no matter how much it hurts. Because there is beauty everywhere, everyone and everything has a story.
I hope I never lose the sight you've given me. I think that's why I don't like the idea of you buying me materialistic things. The gift you've given me can never be repaid or properly recognized.
You gave me everything I have, my mind set, my smile, the air that brushes past my lips.
You showed me everything that I was too afraid to see before,
you gave me the world I live in today,
and I swear I will never forget that.
Just Some Chick Jan 2015
Everyone kept asking how I was,
the looks on their faces dripping with pity.
I hate that look, I always have.
But I said I was fine, I told the truth, I was and I still am.
I never knew you so I have no memories to mourn.
Yet I still need to write this because a simple question,
keeps me from the sleep I crave.
The question is "why?"
it's such a simple phrase, yet it's tearing me apart.
Why would you do this?
Why now?
Why were you alone?
Why were you alone?
Why were you alone?
That's not okay.
No one deserves to feel like they have no way out.
Was it because you're just like me?
Was it the voices that you passed from your head to mine?
I hear them too, all the time, all day.
They remind me of what I really am, over and over.
I'm sorry that they got to you like that,
after all those years of running.  
I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve it.
I don't care that you left, I get why you did.
I remember you wrote me once when I was eleven,
asking me to meet you for lunch.
Along with the letter you sent,
a gold necklace with a delicate chain,
it said 'Daddy's Little Girl' on it.
I never had the chance to be, Daddy's Little Girl.
But mom said it was the voices,
that you wouldn't feel the same tomorrow.
So I threw everything away.
I threw you away,
just like you had to us.
I think that's when I knew how alike we really were.
Or maybe it was when mom told me that you scared her,
because you thought you could control the lightning.
I wanted to yell at her and tell her you could,
because I could too.
I wonder what would've happened if I had written back
I'm truly sorry I didn't.
Because maybe I could've told you
that the voices were mean and angry,  
that they'd tell you anything to make you hate yourself,
more than you already do.
Then you could've heard me instead,
but you were alone with them and they won.
And I can't help but wonder how long I have
until my voices win.
Excuse the fact that it's a **** novel.
Too many thoughts.
I just wish we could've talked I guess.
Just Some Chick Jan 2015
I have the same dream every night.

    Another body entangled in yours.

Her soft hair under your nose.

        


You won't let me in,

       And I'm drowning in a sea of silence.
Just Some Chick Jan 2015
Do you remember that night?
Not the first night,
but our night.
LSD flowing through our veins.
Hands grabbing, lips searching, desire strengthening.
Then, from your mouth slipped
three
tiny
words,
That resonated through every corner of my dark soul.
Insincere lips had planted them in my brain long before.
But never did those words flow like electricity.
Head to toe.
You never lied to me.
And I cried,
Because I knew.
Best night of my life.
I never deserved your love.
I still don't.
Just Some Chick Jan 2015
We were never innocent.
We never even pretended to be.
From the first glance,
we held a silent agreement.
Physical comfort.
Nothing more,
nothing less.
But amidst the heavy breathing,
and the shaking of the bed.
The sound of your heart was deafening.
The need in your touch,
crippling.
My need matching yours,
unsettling.

— The End —