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Mahati Jul 2018
Pointlessly lying on the ground
as if it would help ease the pain
Pointlessly exercising in my room
thinking maybe i haven't moved enough today
Pointlessly trying to get more sleep
pointlessly doing pointless things
hoping to get rid of the pain
The pain that i know will **** me one day
The pain no-one knows where and why
so they pretend as if it was normal
And yet again i fall to be helpless
when comes the day
where i
cry on my knees begging
something or someone to stop the misery
Crying holding onto my legs
hiding my head and also
trying not to rip it off
because i would
just to stop the agony
that is "normal"
When the pain comes
I look like a lunatic
It's not my fault
It's the society
Mahati Jul 2018
Feasting off the crumbs i see
trying to fit a melody inside my head
trying to piece together something normal
and i fall
into the black hole of my mind
putting together a mine for the next time
i fall
Trusting somebody
is not that easy
when all you can hear
is lies and cries for help
and i am sorry
for leaving and hurting
my mind is hunting for pain
it's as unstoppable as the time we believe in
Letting in is hard
because i'm trying to block my thoughts
so that all of this could stop
so letting in is not an option
Stopping time
can be done with the heart
but when the heart is locked

I am feasting off the tears
and i fall
into the black hole of my mind
Mahati Jul 2018
...
You know
You’re not prepared
For anything at all
Yet you still wait
For your wishes
To come true
Mahati Jul 2018
I think of you
Hugging me
When i was down
And all i see is warmth
I am happy to have found
Someone like you
Even as a friend
Mahati Jul 2018
I'm messed up
and you ain't here
to pick me up when i fall
i'm *******
cuz i don't know
what feelings i have anymore
You don't listen
so now you can't even see
i won't let you see
when i cry
when i pray
or when i write
You don't understand
what i've been through
You don't understand my thoughts
and the only one who did
is now a drunk
You can lie
to anyone besides me
cuz i know the truth
no matter what you believe
But this ain't on me
I'm messed up
and the mess is all you see

— The End —