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Apr 11 · 41
another cry
Mahati Apr 11
Wanting to fall on the knees
in front of someone
anyone who is standing
anybody who cares
begging for help
can't speak
but the body shows the signs
help needed
how can't anyone see
screaming for attention
standing on the stage
bright lights making the body shine
it's brighter than any light
turn it off
turn it off
let it be dark
let it be quiet
can then everything be let out
so that everybody hears
so that someone cares
so that help will come
or has the bystander won
Feb 25 · 31
Mahati Feb 25
i can't find my scissors
they're lost in my room
room full of stuff
there is barely any room
i don't have any glue
so scissors are important
i cut stickers
my hair
and when i'm angry
i can cut **** up
where the **** are my scissors
Mahati Aug 2019
With every cigarette
you burnt a hole
in my heart
with every puff
you held the cigarette
longer on my heart
and every day i worried
about your heart
in fear
that i will crush it
you got to me first
and that makes you
even more perfect
Dec 2018 · 319
Different feeling
Mahati Dec 2018
I respect myself
Maybe you don’t
I care for you too much
To walk away
From your ignorance
Teaching you helps us both
So i stay
And i bare
No, I’m sorry
I don’t
Not anymore
I have leared to say no
And walk away
So I don’t bare
I walk to a safer, more free environment
With my head just enough high
And back as straight as possible for me
And i do come back
To see your growth
I respect myself
After all these experiments
I have done to feel more
After mistakes
I didn’t think in those moments
I felt
There will be more of these
But i know where’s the line now

I respect myself
Aug 2018 · 181
Let's throw up
Mahati Aug 2018
Last night i felt death
now i'm under a rainstorm
It gives me power

I ain't afraid of death
But does it have to mean
standing on the edge

I get confused a lot
by my illusions
But what happens
when they become reality

I'm on the sunny side
being my own worst enemy
Jul 2018 · 443
Outer-space creature
Mahati Jul 2018
High in the sky
there is a passing plane
  up in the space
   where stars shine bright
    bright as the light
     you flash into my eyes
      your eyes reflect the sky
       I know your secret
  You're an outer space creature
The light darkness
  that makes the stars
   feel so special
    i see the light darkness
     in the background of life
      the feeling's like the moon
       but incomplete
        there is a missing piece
  Have you lost a star
Aaaaaa aa
There's a missing star
  in the space
   a bright light
    in your face
     an outer-space creature
Jul 2018 · 215
Mahati Jul 2018
Pointlessly lying on the ground
as if it would help ease the pain
Pointlessly exercising in my room
thinking maybe i haven't moved enough today
Pointlessly trying to get more sleep
pointlessly doing pointless things
hoping to get rid of the pain
The pain that i know will **** me one day
The pain no-one knows where and why
so they pretend as if it was normal
And yet again i fall to be helpless
when comes the day
where i
cry on my knees begging
something or someone to stop the misery
Crying holding onto my legs
hiding my head and also
trying not to rip it off
because i would
just to stop the agony
that is "normal"
When the pain comes
I look like a lunatic
It's not my fault
It's the society
Jul 2018 · 255
Mahati Jul 2018
Feasting off the crumbs i see
trying to fit a melody inside my head
trying to piece together something normal
and i fall
into the black hole of my mind
putting together a mine for the next time
i fall
Trusting somebody
is not that easy
when all you can hear
is lies and cries for help
and i am sorry
for leaving and hurting
my mind is hunting for pain
it's as unstoppable as the time we believe in
Letting in is hard
because i'm trying to block my thoughts
so that all of this could stop
so letting in is not an option
Stopping time
can be done with the heart
but when the heart is locked

I am feasting off the tears
and i fall
into the black hole of my mind
Jul 2018 · 176
Mahati Jul 2018
You know
You’re not prepared
For anything at all
Yet you still wait
For your wishes
To come true
Jul 2018 · 118
Mahati Jul 2018
I think of you
Hugging me
When i was down
And all i see is warmth
I am happy to have found
Someone like you
Even as a friend
Jul 2018 · 192
Mahati Jul 2018
I'm messed up
and you ain't here
to pick me up when i fall
i'm *******
cuz i don't know
what feelings i have anymore
You don't listen
so now you can't even see
i won't let you see
when i cry
when i pray
or when i write
You don't understand
what i've been through
You don't understand my thoughts
and the only one who did
is now a drunk
You can lie
to anyone besides me
cuz i know the truth
no matter what you believe
But this ain't on me
I'm messed up
and the mess is all you see

— The End —