I bet you didn’t realize that most of the things I told you I hadn’t told anyone, and still haven’t. I know that I didn’t end up telling you a lot of things, because I knew that telling you would be admitting to myself that everything I said was real. but now that you’re gone I can’t help but wonder that if I had told you this, then maybe you would have stayed. or if I had told you that, then maybe you would have just ended up leaving with more parts of me than you already have. I don’t believe that I’ll ever truly be able to be myself again, or at least my old self because of you. almost all of the old parts of me were shared with you and now I’ll never be able to get them back. So thanks for stealing everything that I was..

This Boy walks the earth
Displaying fraudulent pride
Keeping to himself
The number of times he's painfully cried..

This Boy walks the earth
Spreading smiles and cheers
Not letting a single person
Know his deepest & greatest fears..

This Boy walks the earth
With a head full of dreams
Smiling and goofy but hiding
That things are not as they seem..

This Boy walks the earth
With quite a lot to say
But it's what he never says
That bothers him every day...

This Boy walks the earth
Appearing so happy and free,
While most wouldn't guess it but,
This misunderstood Boy is me...

Love out of passion,

& not out of loneliness.
Love the person,

& not the idea of them.
Love who they are,

& not who you want them to be.
Love with compassion,

& not with judgement.
Love and mean it
& not just to say it
Love unconditionally,

& not only when it seems convenient...

I see now that I kept asking for your attention in some desperate validation that maybe one day you would see me the way I saw myself with you, as a partner, as team but later realized things wouldn't be as I dreamed..

It was easy to believe we were working when I thought I had something that had to be fixed, but then someone told me that I was never broken to begin with..

I waited and wasted so much time and energy working at your impossible process, but now I can no longer be romantically employed..

I love you, yes! But I do not love the way you seem to have me trained. I comply with your terms and regulations and never even complain...

I gotta admit you're so good at finding ways to keep me in line, but one thing I know is this contract you keep presenting to me, is something I never signed!

Why lie?
Why waste my time??
I'll never understand
why you told me you loved me, when u obviously didn't...

How do you tell ya heart she's gone forever n not coming back? How does one pull off a smile when tears are always first to react? How do I keep you out my dreams if you're there every night? How do u jus let go of wat you always held so tight? How do you jus become friends with someone you were once in love with? How do u accept that you're now 2nd to who u put 1st? What happens to the future that was planned? What happens if her heart starts to love another? All the promises that were made, is there still hope? If not, how do u expect me to cope? Will the broken promises & hearts ever not be apart? What happened to the person that you were, why didn't I notice the changes start to occur?
When you've lost all u ever wanted, how can u ever smile again when your heart is now Haunted....

I thought I knew what love was. 
I thought Love was late night texts and nose kisses
 and wanting to see them all the time.
 Love was face timing and presents & poems 
and thinking about them at night.
 I thought that was love.
Then I met her.
 Suddenly, love was her putting the stars in my sky,
 & her being the first thing on my mind in the morning
and looking forward to seeing her for even a jus a moment.
Love turned into memorizing the curve of her lips or her tongue through her teeth when she smiles and trying hard just to make her laugh because I loved the sound of it
and finding any excuse to touch her
Love wasn't held in any object,
 it was the way she got upset when I didn't sit by her 
Love wasnt captured in jus a song,
 it was the glint in her eyes when she smiled at me. 
Love wasnt kissing or hugging or cuddling,
 it was just feeling her warmth next to me, even when we're apart 
it was the way I looked at her when she was concentrating on something, 
it was the way I wanted to be perfect for her & her for me, even though she liked me the way I was. Love is me being tough on her to be where I know she wants to be, changing her to be a Better person for her even though I love her jus the way she is
& that’s what love was.
& this is what love is
She taught me what love was.. & She taught me what love is....

You come to me with your heart
In your outstretched hands.
I don’t know you
Nor do you know me.
How can you trust someone
With such a precious part of you
So fast.
Don’t you know how important it is
To guard your heart?
What makes you think
  That I will not take it from you
And break it right in two?
Do you honestly think
You can just look into my eyes
And trust me
How many times
Do we have to be hurt
Before we stop trusting like this  
Will we ever learn.
I think that some of us
Never will

They say time heals all, but will it heal my broken heart?
I gave you everything you needed, I cherished you, you never felt mistreated they say time heals all, I guess I’ll wait for it to start
I was stuck on Cupid and Cupid you made me stupid, how could you do this me I’m bout to lose it, you cheated me after I treated you like a queen I’m about to blow up everything
They say that every man is a dog & a cheater, but each and every man ain’t me.
Cause I know I was faithful to you, genuine & true, I guess I learned my lesson, women break hearts too......

You've never known the hell I've lived.
there is pain
beyond your wildest dreams
or perhaps it is a nightmare to you
but for me,
just one more day alive means everything and even though i am
screaming crying
and dying, at least i am still fighting.
so before you think
that i am weak
think of the pain
you simply cannot fathom...I handle things u couldn't even at your peak!

They say the saddest people are the ones who smile and laugh the most
I believe That's true..
You don't understand how hard it is to wake up everyday and put on a mask, & laugh and smile at everything just to get you outta my head..
Just to keep the dreadful thoughts away, they won't leave no matter how much I demand, but then again I don't expect you to understand... Cause I refuse to say a word to you, but my broken eyes beg and plead for you to notice, to notice I'm not okay, that's why when I look at you or others I smile, hoping that maybe you'll see how fake it is, that behind it are tears ready to explode out.. So why won't I jus tell you? Why not jus say how I truly feel.. Why can't I jus be honest about the situation at hand.....
I don't because I know
you won't understand....