01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

Its locked
Its wrapped in this little tight sealed saran wrapped bundle
gentle velvet red in color..if you needed a visual image
heart shaped and safe
its the shape and structure of
LOVE
a feeling of safeness and intrigue
a feeling of fear and security at the same time
you want it..and you need it
every time you feel it
beats skip
hearts drop
hearts rise
trust engulfs
lost trust
it starts
tapped phones with eyes of jealousy
trust falls
serious conversations
faith is dead
I wanted truth
but truth was buried deep
lost in a sea of lies
a sea of I love you’s
a vast and seemingly full ocean of deep seeded passion
where do you go from here?
you love..but hate
you want and need for them to stop
change them
you definitely have control
more lies
this time to yourself
you've lost control
this situation is unsolvable
leave them before your heart falls yet again
its the fuel of the hunt
the feel of the rise and fall
the addiction that calls itself love
that disguises itself with happy thoughts and ideas
leave them…
you cant.
you have to.
if you don't you will die inside a little more..
every day
you wait
for change
nothing changes
if you don’t change it
**** heartbreak. *******. **** her. **** everything. **** love.

I was going to write him a poem
but the only word I could think of was
'stay'


And that's all I wrote.

We stopped asking questions
Because we were too afraid to
Know the answers.