I'm feeling overwhelmed
and you tell me to try harder
As if you don't even realize
I'm already doing the best I can.

Sometimes I think
it'd be easier
to be dead.
To have no responsibilities,
to be overwhelmed with.
To have no tasks,
to fail at.
To have no people,
to disappoint.
They tell me it would be easier,
for me at least,
but for them,
it would only make things harder.
And I begin to wonder
why they think
I care for their feelings,
When they never cared for mine.

A good day
comes and goes,
and for most
not a thing is thought of it.
But for me,
a good day
causes bells to chime
a cheery ding,
and the world fills with color
for the first time in awhile.
And even if its just for a second,
that dash of color
makes all the difference.

I'm doing my best
to keep it all hidden inside
and I do it for you.
So you don't have to see the scary parts
the parts that are twisted and terrifying
so you only see the bright
and shiny exterior.
I'm trying to protect you
I think
or maybe I'm only protecting myself

I don't even care,
not anymore.
Nothing seems to matter,
not in my head
at least.
I've gone numb,
completely and totally
taken over
by a sense of nothingness.
I feel it everywhere,
from the very tips of my toes
to the longest hair on my head.
I feel it,
but at the same time
I don't feel anything at all.

They tell me to speak,
And relay my thoughts,
My hopes and dreams.
I have a lot to say,
Really, I do.
They tell me to speak,
But I can't.
Not when the words get trapped in my throat,
And I can't get them out,
Not a single ******* word.
I open my mouth and I try,
But the words skid along my throat,
and crash into my teeth,
So close to escaping,
Just not close enough.
They tell me to speak ,
but I can't.
Not when people watch and listen,
Listeners have opinions,
Harsh critiques and ride statements.
I would speak,
but I have a deep-set fear of their judging glares.
I have a lot to say,
But the world doesn't want to hear it.

It started off quiet,
delicately deceiving her,
tricking her into trust.
Carefully infiltrating her every thought.
An once it had a hold inside her,
it subtly got louder.
The whispers told her new things,
playing off her fears and insecurities.
At first she blocked it out,
choosing to listen to a kinder voice.
But whispers turned to screams,
And she found them much harder to ignore.
Soon the only sound she heard
was the constant buzz of harsh and unforgiving words.
There was shouting, yelling, and screams,
and she could barely keep it together.
Soon the voices dug deeper
exposing her anxieties, and worst fears.
It was constant,
and she didn't know how to make it stop.
That is until,
the voice force fed her answers.
And she figured it out,
everything was finally quiet again,
But only for a few minutes.
And as the last fragments of life,
faded from her eyes,
she realized that the voices had won.