Throw a coin in the wishing well, close your eyes and wish for something.
I think of a million things I want.
I think of things I need.
I wish for my birth family to be in my life again.
I know I didn’t wish for candy
I didn’t wish for a guy to come back in my life.
I didn’t wish for world peace.
If you had the chance what would you wish for?

When...
It first started.
I got to admit.
i was scared
I didnt know what i was doing.
In fact
I didnt know who i was
Who i belonged with.
I was lost
I continued to wander in self realization.
But you came.
I was already crushing ******* you.
I didnt know a thing about you
but
I liked your lips.
I liked your eyes
I liked your voice
I liked your hair
I liked the way you carried yourself.
I liked everything i saw about you.
And then
I found out
You
Liked me too.
*******-****.
****.
Now i was super scared.
Supernova inside my heart.
I didnt want to **** anything up.
But then
you asked me
And here we are.
Today
Tomorrow
forever
...
**who the **** says magic doesnt exist?!?!

How easy would it be to fall over the edge of crazy?
I already imagine voices of people watching me
Write stories of magic in my mind
See patterns of green lights before I go to sleep
Curl on the couch, gripping my head- too much goes on up there
Think about you accidentally running me over if I stand by the driveway
Think about my heart stopping while I sleep
Think about the million ways to die
                        How I will no longer exist from that point forward
What would happen if I just forgot to remind myself it’s all in my head?

Standing paralyzed on the cusp of crazy, it seems all too easy to fall over the edge.

I had a picture in my head of how my family was supposed to look like.
Smiling faces.
My parents getting along.
No screaming.
I’m not sure why I thought that my family would be happy, funny and have a good life.
I learned early on that this wasn’t the case, I’m afraid to grow up and have a marriage that ends, have screaming in the house and have my kids wishing they could be dead.
Because that’s what my childhood was like.
I’m afraid to have kids, even though people say I’m nothing like my parents, people think I will be a good mother.
How can I be a good mom when I didn’t have one myself?
Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming my mom, she did the best she could.

you work hard
   to do things right
and get kicked in the teeth
   ever so often
by people who cannot see
   beyond their pug-nosed selves

yet you continue
secretly hoping that
   somehow  sometime
someone will recognize
   your efforts

one day
   after yet another kick in the teeth
you decide you have had it

you do not stop trying

you just know
that you do

   not

   really

   need

their recognition

         * *