A familiar thing that sits on my shoulder as I go through my day
That lies with me as I sleep
Making my dreams become restless nightmares
That keeps me remembering
The thing that keeps me alert
It’s the song stuck in my head
Never letting me forget
All the pain and regret

It’s the ringing I get in my ears every now and then
That’s making me write this poem with my pen
It’s paranoia I get at night
Leaving me awake in a fright
When the darkness turns into my distant memories

Ptsd is the fear I get at loud noises
The hairdryer, the vacuum, yelling
It makes me feel like running
It’s the reason I’m so sensitive
Why I lost the will to be creative

Ptsd is a tree and I am the earth
It keeps its roots intertwined in me-
Rooted into my brain
Never letting me forget the pain
That we are the same
That we are one

The night flows in
like a black,
icy, crystalline dream.
The illusion fills every corner
of my mind, every bend of my soul.

I try to open
my eyes,
wake up, but the nightmare
has taken away the last bit
of my free will.

Will reality teach me
to love half-heartedly?
Will the future fall asleep before
the last flame of
a tear falls?

Sadness is everywhere,
we just don't appreciate it.
It is painful to long
for a miracle
that will assuage eternity,
that will satisfy the embers
of the past.