I want to get better
I need to get better
I will get better
I will get help
I will do anything
I just want to be happy.
~
I have help
I am working on myself
I am making progress
I am happier
I am getting better.
~
****, I am getting worse again.
I made progress... but now I am back to ****.
This is all useless.
Why? I thought I was getting better...
I hate it!
~
It's slowly getting better again.
I just need patience.
It's hard, but it's working.
It's like a dance...
Two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back... and so on...
The eternal dance of healing.

Ears ringing, like after a concert.
Each sound, each voice, each tapping, each clicking...
Just—too much noise.
Too much...
Too ******* much!

Eyes burning like flames.
Too bright, too white, too dark, too...
Many colors blending together, creating a mess.
Too much...
Too ******* much!

Skin irritated, like a hundred bee stings.
Clothes rubbing, skin itching, scratching—makes it worse.
Each sensation, like a shock through the whole body.
Too much...
TOO ******* MUCH!

I am not me, but I am not them.
I am not good, but I am not bad.
I am not strong, but I am not weak.
I am not everything, but I am not nothing.
I am not smart, but I am not dumb.
I am not a girl, but I am not a boy.
I am not shy, but I am not brave.
I am not normal, but I am not weird.
I am not fine, but I am not broken.

I want to know who I am, but I don't.
So I'll ask you. You tell me I am something in between, but you don't know what.
I can research everything, but not who I am.
You tell me, "I will figure it out," but I don't know how.
I have one question, it is always there.

Maybe I am too naive or immature.
Maybe I am too young.
Maybe I'll never find an answer to it, but maybe I will.

So... who am I?