and now I'm suffocating - not from lack of oxygen but from lack of hope,
a lack of feeling alive and ability to cope;
instead I'm drowning in pain with my chest exploding and my heart aching,
waiting for my demise because I'm so tired and inside I'm breaking.

Waterfalls; both of water from my eyes and blood from my veins
run tumultuously - and the pain so irrevocably remains.

Nobody sees and nobody knows
just how deep my self-loathing goes;
the darkest crevice in my mind never shows,
and my haunted life longs to decompose.

the light within me has been extinguished and now red lace covers my skin,
my mind and heart bleed out the descending darkness from within;
this has become a fraught battle of the mind that I just cannot win.

You made flowers grow within every inch of me;
filled the cracks within the darkest places of my soul
and created the newfound happiness I never thought I'd see.

Time ticking like a bomb as I fall back into self-destruction,
my life taking a turn into a disordered direction;
the pain sweeps through my body like a hurricane
ripping every part of me apart as it twists through every vein.
I’m suffocating with every breath I take,
so fragile I am, it’s causing me to break.
I don’t wish to be a part of the earth any longer
the wish to come to one’s own end grows ever stronger.

all my life has passed by in darkness; my life black and white,
I've never known the meaning of colour or seen the meaningful light -
in a perpetual state of destruction and self-hate;
the need to be calamitous must be innate
and my veins are tangled while weeping out debris
of the tortured, shattered, dying life within me.