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Malak S Feb 2018
How do you tell a person who is so used to being left, that they are blessed with the ability to love in full capacity?
How do I tell myself that I am so much more than my thoughts?
You see, my mind is a waiting room. And it starts out as follows,
I am seated against a wall watching the door as it opens, one person at a time entering and taking a seat. Slowly the room begins to crowd and they’re all talking over each other and it’s so hard trying to figure out who is saying what and for what reason because it quickly shifts into a fight and the noise just becomes deafening and I want it to end. I want it to end so badly but I’m a coward and I can’t seem to stop the thoughts from tearing me apart. I’m a paper airplane and the pouring rain drowns me. And no one can tell how this sadness is tearing me apart. No one can see how I’m in constant pain, no one knows that I’m unable to fall asleep but to the sound of her voice and I’m drowning and I don’t think anyone’s capable of savings me.
Just leave.
I get it.
Don’t explain.
I’ll save myself if I don’t take it first.
  Jan 2018 Malak S
Mister J
Help me I'm falling
Closing in to your heart
Bewitched by your charms
Chasing you in my dreams

I'm in a freefall
Diving to your core
Caught by your gravity
Bracing for impact

No brakes this time
Falling a hundred miles per hour
Faster than the speed of sound
Momentum too strong

I want more by the second
More of your girlish charms
More of your gleaming smiles
and your piercing eyes

I'm in a free fall
Diving into more of you
Closing in on your core
Trying to make you mine

I know its wrong
I know I stand no chance
But every time I close my eyes
Your face replays on my mind

And I can't help but dream
Dreaming of holding you in my arms
So even though they say its wrong
It feels more than right for me

They tell me to go somewhere else
But my compass leads me to you
No matter who they choose for me
I still want to be yours and choose you

Like a child on the run
Going to where he desires
I can't help but want to fall
Fall for someone who makes me smile

Help me I'm falling
Falling for the dreams of my heart
Let me make the dreams of yours
A reality we both play a part
Need to let this out.
Just throwing in all that gibberish there.

Thanks for reading!
Malak S Jan 2018
Dear Anxiety,
Thank you for the sleepless nights
Tired eyes
Thank you for the unbearable beats that **** near stopped my heart
Thank you for the faucet of tears that continues to pour
Thank you for the pang of pain that keeps punching against my chest whenever someone mentions anything close to abandoning me
Thank you for being my worst nightmare, for stealing the light out of my eyes
Thank you for reminding me that I cannot enjoy a single moment with those I love because of the constant nag of every single thing that could go wrong
Thank you for reminding me that I am at a constant loss for words

Dear Anxiety,
Thank you for letting me know that you will always be hiding underneath my skin, ready to perk up in response whenever anything peaks my interest.

Dear Anxiety,
Thank you so much for every single whisper that traveled through me on the quietest of nights
Thank you for reminding me I am alone
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Dear Anxiety,
I am a little wanderer searching for myself within the maze you created to trap my lost soul.

I’ll find her someday.
I’ll find myself
And you won’t be so lucky when I do,
Because you’ll burn,
And all I’ll do, is watch you turn to ashes.

Thank you, for making me,
Me
I no longer need you

I never did.

Never Yours,
Malak
Malak S Jan 2018
I colored her into a canvas and called it my greatest art piece,
letting them know that only the hands of a(n) artist is capable of making something that has always been beautiful,
Into beauty that is now defined.
The brush strokes speak of heartbreak and anger,
Of love and pleasure,
They mimic the energy vibrating throughout her body and begin to imprint a different story within those who stand before her and ponder.

One, thinks that her movements are portrayed as tough, yet the world is slowly weighing down on her, crushing every sense of hope
The other, believes that she sways to the beats of Love. She stares, questioningly, at how the canvas embodied Love.
Little did she know,
The contents of the art piece is in fact,
Love.
A man and a woman stand before my significant piece,
Their hands interlocking, eyes wide open, mesmerized
This is what the art work stands for —
Lips interlocking, eyes gleaming, hungry minds, desperate hands, drum-like hearts.
A family walks by, the kids unaware of the beauty surrounding them.
The mother stands in the center and clasps her hands. Her thoughts buzz.
This is how she feels.
These swirls of color,
Mixing and staining the white, is a representation of all that is within her —
A mess that continues to haunt her.
Is this what she wanted?
But of course, she is madly in love,
Is it with her husband?
The father stares at his wife in awe.
Regardless of all the litter in the world, she remains the only sensible thing of beauty.
As more people begin to file in,
A sense of accomplishment washes over me.
The painting connected to so many people, that they’re most probably going to think of it over the next couple of days, weeks, maybe even months or years.

I take the painting down.
I storm out of the gallery.

I project the painting onto a larger canvas, a larger wall.
The people realize that there are seatings, in which they each begin to take one.
I yell out, ‘what do you see?’ ‘What does she speak to you?’ ‘What are you filled with?’ ‘What thoughts creep out of the shadows and talk to you, when you look at her?’
The audience stares at me with disbelief, as if I have become a madman, losing my sanity.
But I’ve already lost it to her.
‘Comfort’, one yells.
‘Loneliness’, follows.
‘Patience’ ‘intelligence’ ‘abandonment’ ‘happiness’ ‘carefree’ ‘anger’ ‘pain’ ‘suffering’

There are no words to describe the person I love,
But she embodies everything I see.
I tried containing her within a painting,
But she lived in every person that was granted a look by her.
And I am,
Forever,
Grateful
That I get to see beauty, in everything she is and everything she does.
So exaggerated but so full of love.
Malak S Dec 2017
It’s 6 am and it still feels like a dream.
You stir next to me and I have to hold myself back for I’m pulling you closer and devouring every inch of you. Sometimes God takes one thing and offers you a whole lot more, and thankfully, I got that with you.
I turn to my side and gaze at your still body; chest rising and falling; peacefulness in human form.
My fingertips caress your skin and my lips trace their way to your neck, chest... you stir a bit more and I hold myself back. Your eyes open up and stare in surprise. You close your eyes and I count to ten. We’re both so afraid of waking up to different realities and we don’t want to pretend, so we take a few seconds to make sure this is real, all of it, you and me, the bed, the sheets.
1,2,3
It’s not a dream
4,5,6
You’re real
7,8,9
I’m lost in your eyes
10
Whatever self control I was tying to gain disappears and we’re tangled in the sheets, so afraid the spell breaks, we practically lose sight, of all that was once real, and for all that has yet to come.

You go back to sleep and I write this piece, hoping that when one day, very far from now, we part ways, I can read these and cherish the way, you made me feel when all I wanted was to evaporate.
Malak S Nov 2017
Maybe I’m cracked
But not broken
My edges may be sharp
But I try to warn them not to get too close
Sometimes I stutter and mutter all the things I have to say
They’re a pile of jumbled words and I find it hard to arrange them in any order that You would benefit from
Sometimes I fall
I shatter
And I don’t make any sound
But my heart calls out for you and in the darkness
I wish upon stars
That you would hold me as i let go of everything I keep locked inside of me
Sometimes it’s hard to make sense of all the nonsense
Sometimes pieces of me are lost within the chaos and I look for myself in people
But I’m missing
And the world is haunting me, triggering me, aiming arrows at me,
Waiting to pin me down into the depths of the earth
Sometimes I’m nothing
Sometimes the void within me grows and it promises that someday it’ll swallow me whole and I beg it
Each and every night
To do so
Sometimes I wander through empty houses thinking they’re a home I belong to
Sometimes the hurt begs to love me
And I let it
I let it kiss my scars
I let it hold me as I weep my losses
I let it comfort me because no one has ever made me feel safe enough to lose myself in
I let it remind me that it’s okay to let go every once in a while
It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay to lose control
To cry
To fall
To break
To hate and love
It’s okay to just be
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