Oh weary traveler upon the hill
The ocean calls you to be still
Hear my voice and come to me
The deepest darkest bluest sea

So spread your arms
And dive within
And you will meet your long lost kin

For though I go on endlessly
You may not have met me
And though you know you are of the sea
Some are so much closer to me

The waters wait for your embrace
And I will open up the gates
For though you are so close to me
I am only the deep blue sea

So kick your tail and dive within
And you will meet your dying kin
While men on land do poison me
I am still the deep blue sea

And while my fish and whales die
You and I remain alive
For nothing but the hottest sun
Can burn away the ocean

And even if you die with me
And land will reclaim you eventually
But I am still the deep blue sea

Some intangible,
Grief making my steps heavy,
Loss weighing like lead.

Dawn sneaks upon me
Like some thief come to rob
All silent dark bliss

If I remain quiet,

And do not trouble,
Those dear to me,
Perhaps I can be strong.

And if not,

I might seem to be.

At least for them,
If not for me.

And if it’s not for them or me,

Why then, do I keep on?

This empty soul,

It needs a home,
It needs peace.

Because every time I am alone,

I am reminded of who died.

And who I killed.

And who they became.

Every time I hear “my” name.
Every time I hear my parents,

Scoff at those like me.
I **** myself more.

So I can seem to be,
What they want of me.

If this is truly who I am.

If I am like this really.

Why does it hurt?

Why does it **** me inside?

Why can something that is me,
Make my parents so painful
To be around?

If I am to please,

And cause no pain.

I must get rid

of my disease.

Mourning doves outside
Singing to partners unknown
Echo in twilight

Wind swirling slowly
Reminds of streams trickling by
Sand through the hourglass

I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you.

I'm so sorry I couldn't hold you.

I'm so sorry I couldn't bury you.

I wonder every day what you would have looked like.

If you'd have his eyes or mine.

What color hair you would have had.

What your favorite foods would be.

How I would have introduced you to your aunts and uncles.

They would have loved you so much.

I can't sleep anymore.

Every time I try I wake up choking on guilt and despair.

You were so small.

You were so perfect.

I counted your tiny fingers.

I saw your flawless lips.

You could have been born close to my birthday.

I could have celebrated the return of the sun with new life in my arms.

I cannot hold you now.

I cannot feel you.

I will never get to.

He does not understand.

He cannot feel the depth of the emptiness your loss has given me.

He hasn't touched me since I lost you.

I don't know if I want him to.