Hunter

Hunter Sep 2019

Star

I went on my nightly walk,
Looking up at the clouds,
I saw a tiny twinkle.
Some lonely star flickering at me.

Could that one lonely star,
Trying to make light in the darkness be me?
It reminds me of my anxiety,
Hoping that I’m not my only friend.

Not sure when I’ll join the sky,
Apart of the cosmos.
But I hope with the time I have..
I illuminate some darkness.

Hunter Sep 2019

Trying

I'm trying to be genuinely happy

Hunter Sep 2019

White Flag

I’m throwing in the rag,
I’m out of ***** to give.
My defeat is a temporary solution,
It’s what I gave up is permanent.

Things aren’t going well,
But I can’t help but go with it.
Brb.
I’m making my white flag.

I don't know

#sad

Hunter Sep 2019

Grace

First you take a drink,
Then the drink takes you.
You start asking,
Could have,
Might have,
Or should have.

I’m starting to realize that anger,
Tears,
And sadness are for those who have given up.
Have I given up..?
Is drunkenness a temporary sucicide?

My anxiety is feeling like a rocking chair,
It gives me something to do,
But it doesn’t get me far.
It’s not stress that kills me,
It’s how I react to it.

Baby open your door,
Cause I’ve been waiting for my blessing.
Give me all the keys,
And I’ll lock away the darkness.
If your grace is an ocean,
Then please let me drown.

In your arms,
I find refuge.
Did you say you love me?
Or do my ears deceive me.
Cause I’ll say the same words,
But I’ll shout them clearly.

I’m so glad you came,
You drew the curtain on the night.
When you call my name,
I can’t help but smile.

I started my life drinking a lot thinking I had control of it leading to troubling moments in my life. Soon my emotions were overcome with anger from exes and the way people treated me, my nights of being drunk felt like "clarity" like I was flying awat from my problems. My anxiety started to get worse and make me feel hopless, and the way I treated it was stupid on my part. Thank god I was able to meet my lover who is always giving me grace on my mistakes, she calls out what I do wrong so I can fix It. I'm so happy she walked into my life, she's able to rock me to sleep and make me forget about all my worries. I love you J.J.L

#anxiety #sadness #depression #love #hopeful #drunk #relationship #grace #refuge

Hunter Sep 2019

Grains of sand

I hope,
That one day my loneliness won’t be the death of me.
That my loneliness will spur into something to live for,
Something great enough to die for.

I’m watching my world fall apart,
And the pieces are falling between my fingers,
Like loose grains sand.
Feels like all I can do is stare blankly.

My loneliness is no longer my fault,
But simply a condition of existence.
I’m not sure if I’m thoughtful,
Or just empty

I'm staring at my laptop trying to vent emotions, and this feeling I'm typing out just kinda washed over me. So yeah.

#loneliness #sad #alone #venting #empty #existence

Hunter Sep 2019

Reading between the lines

Here I am.
Reading between the l i n e s.
To be honest,
I’m quite lost.
Trying to find truth or comfort.

One step forward,
Two steps backwards.
I’m trying to keep my emotions down,
But I forget my eyes speak.

I’m becoming scared and tired at the same time.
This sadness is like being colorblind,
Listening to how colorful this world is from others.

My forest is dark,
And my trees are sad.
Listen I don’t control my thoughts,
I wish you could understand this.

Sleep isn't sleep anymore,
I use it to escape now.
My mood doesn’t just “Swing”.
They bounce,
Pivot,
And recoil.

While everyone moves on,
I’m stuck in this hole staring up.
Something in me just..
Broke.
That’s the easiest way to describe it.

For once my raw thoughts were able to come out, I try not to feel like this on a daily basis but sometimes it can get the best of me.

#sad #depression #hopeless #emotions #colorblind #lost #sadness

Hunter Sep 2019

Trophy

I don't need you to brag about me,
Nor post about me.
Keep me in your pocket if you'd like,
It won't make me feel any different.

I don't need to be a gold trophy you raise over your head,
I don't need to be anything fancy.

Just make me the laces on your shoes,
So when you leave I go with you.
Make a music box,
So you can feel enlightened.
Make me into a medallion so I can possess victory,
Nothing flashy so I can have some dignity.
Make me into a locket around your neck,
So I can possess a picture of the man who made you feel the best.

You aren't one to search for gold,
I think that's why I'll always love you.
Don't make me into another excuse.
All I can feel is that your love makes me feel alive.

I don't need to be posted on instagram or snap to feel loved, as much as I'd like it I don't need it to prove to me that you love me. Just don't forget about me when you move, keep me close to your heart and let me follow you to the ends of the earth.